Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I'm so used to ending phone calls with family and friends by saying "I love you", that I accidentally said it to the female agent at Spectrum. Anyway, she gave me 6 months of free internet and HBO.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 07:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 08:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Media in a nutshell... On the Flu: "It's going around." On the Coronavirus: It's coming after you, and it's coming hard! Bet on it!"
←Rate | 03-16-2020 14:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a sore throat, a headache and a dry cough. We all know what that means. I'm never buying weed from Alowishus Jackson again.
←Rate | 03-18-2020 06:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm a magician. An overweight magician. My most famous trick is putting on a Speedo and having it disappear instantly.
←Rate | 03-18-2020 12:23 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."
←Rate | 03-19-2020 07:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 07:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon All of us are tools to some degree. It's just that some are jackhammers and some are 1/4" nut drivers.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 09:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Last night I made the last of the dishes on the Huffington Post list of "25 Foods You Have To Eat Before You Die." So I guess this is goodbye.
←Rate | 03-27-2020 07:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Coronavirus has me upset to the point where I've lost weight... 20 lbs total! I have no appetite whatsoever so this thing needs to go away. But not just yet. I want to lose another 30.
←Rate | 03-30-2020 21:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I haven't watched this much TV since the "All Day Saturday Cartoon Marathon" when I was 8.
←Rate | 03-31-2020 19:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon This isolation thing is going to make Palm Sunday mean something completely different to a lot of people.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 05:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't find any masks, gloves, or hand sanitizers. Long story short, I just now paid for the premium version of McAfee antivirus. Let's what happens.
←Rate | 04-05-2020 16:51 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon In celebration of Earth Day, I'm just gonna go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
←Rate | 04-22-2020 06:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon They should change the name of our galaxy from the Milky Way to the Snickers. Let's face it, we're all nuts.
←Rate | 04-22-2020 13:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Nothing like a game of Twister, that's our motto." - Makers of IcyHot
←Rate | 04-22-2020 18:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're traveling thru another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of dough, ricotta and mozzarella. Your next stop, the Twilight Calzone.
←Rate | 04-23-2020 08:29 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon North Korea leader Kim Jong-un is presumed either dead or in a vegetative state. Most likely Bok Choy.
←Rate | 04-25-2020 15:28 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know that people want to go back to work because they're broke, but there's still a serious virus floating around. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that being broke is better than being dead.
←Rate | 04-29-2020 11:53 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon I randomly changed all the contact names in my phone. However, I can't remember who they actually are. So far today, I've been texted by Willy Wonka, Spongebob Squarepants, Charlie Sheen, Nancy Pelosi and Jerry Springer.
←Rate | 05-08-2020 09:27 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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