MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
←Rate | 01-08-2018 11:45 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes, life is like a jar of jalapenos.... What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
←Rate | 10-21-2013 11:17 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was eating lunch today at a local restaurant and saw a sign in their window saying "Waitress wanted". So, I called the police station and told them where she was.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 15:40 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I was at Home Depot the other night when she informed me she'd like a golden shower... what happened next has me sleeping on the couch for a long time.
←Rate | 09-13-2013 15:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon While looking down at my shorts, my wife said "well somebodies happy to see me" To which I replied "No its just a Samsung Galaxy MEGA in my pocket"
←Rate | 04-16-2013 17:53 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife put dishwasher tablets on the shopping list. Damn, if I'd known that's what it took I'd bought her the pills sooner
←Rate | 09-27-2013 18:11 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon gave my wife a Klondike bar...still waiting to see what she's going to do
←Rate | 05-08-2012 21:15 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon There is a photo of Obama circulating around FB showing how much he's grayed over the past 4 years since becoming president.. It's hard to believe that one man could age so much worrying about his next round of golf.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 22:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
←Rate | 10-10-2016 16:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon When this Ho on Maury found out that the 36th dude tested wasn't the Father, she ran so far backstage, I flipped the Channel and she was running across the set of ESPN!
←Rate | 01-09-2013 10:54 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just bought the new book set "Understanding Women" the simplified version. it's 14 volumes with over 876 pages per volume.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 17:01 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon *ATTENTION* I have a copy of tomorrows newspaper complete with sports scores, police blotters, and other interesting facts!.. I'm selling this for $352.83 a true bargain!! I can deliver the newspaper anytime tomorrow after 9:00 am
←Rate | 10-29-2012 17:20 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 16:02 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked the librarian if they have any books on innuendos. "Yes, but it's a fairly large one, so you'll have to take it in the rear"
←Rate | 01-14-2014 13:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon the fact that she loves anal is awesome...I just wish she'd layoff the hot peppers!
←Rate | 04-23-2012 14:58 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Doctor: "In order to find out exactly what's wrong, you'll need to see the nurse and have a blood test." " Alright," I said, "How long will that take?" "About a week." he replied. "A week with your nurse sounds Ok" I said, "But how much damn
←Rate | 04-11-2013 08:20 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next four weeks is going to be incredibly difficult for people whose grandmother's actually have been ran over by reindeer.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 11:01 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today when you are looking at your pay-stub, keep in mind that the 48 million people on welfare like you!!
←Rate | 11-02-2012 07:42 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ladies are not officially old, until going braless pulls the wrinkles out of their faces.
←Rate | 12-26-2017 08:54 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is about friends and family, nothing else matters. it all boils down to how you've impacted those in your circle. The sacrifices you make along the way will be your true legacy . LIVE, LOVE, LEARN.
←Rate | 12-31-2017 13:52 by mds Comments (0)  


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