Fazzy Funny Status Messages
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I celebrated 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.
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01-06-2021 13:47 by Fazzy
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The latest dose of social media insanity comes to us via the TikTok inspired 'Slap A Teacher' Challenge. Good ol' TikTok... where never before has the Lowest Common Denominator been so well represented.
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10-08-2021 13:08 by Fazzy
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I'm like Crisco in a can. White, round and filled with fat.
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08-07-2020 15:55 by Fazzy
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I applied for a job at Bed Bath & Beyond. They put me in the Beyond department.
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09-06-2020 16:30 by Fazzy
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Cruises: Floating Golden Corrals with drunk people.
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09-28-2021 03:16 by Fazzy
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Betting on the Kentucky Derby is like paying for a hooker. You drop a load of cash on two minutes of excitement.
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09-05-2020 08:46 by Fazzy
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Okay, I've decided to come clean. The reason I sit at the kids' table on Thanksgiving is just so I can hide the green bean casserole under my grandson's plate.
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11-23-2020 07:14 by Fazzy
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The greatest comedians don't say funny things, they say things funny.
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12-05-2020 22:33 by Fazzy
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The subject of entomology really bugs me.
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03-14-2021 12:38 by Fazzy
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Santa: I can't wait for the cookies I'm gonna get in Colorado.
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12-16-2019 16:13 by Fazzy
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If a woman sends me a "Hey there, good lookin" message, you can be assured she sent it to five other guys too. Kidding. She sent it to me by mistake.
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12-09-2019 06:56 by Fazzy
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Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
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12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy
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I went to buy a set of salad plates. I asked the saleslady at Ross if they had any 8" plates. She said, "Plates are like men." I asked, "How so?" She goes, "They say 8", but they're actually 6".
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01-10-2020 06:31 by Fazzy
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How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.
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03-15-2020 08:58 by Fazzy
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I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."
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03-19-2020 07:11 by Fazzy
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They should change the name of our galaxy from the Milky Way to the Snickers. Let's face it, we're all nuts.
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04-22-2020 13:31 by Fazzy
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Lego is offensive to people with bad knees.
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06-18-2020 20:34 by Fazzy
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Joey Chestnut set another world record for eating the most hot dogs in the Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. Tomorrow, he'll win the record for the biggest dump.
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07-04-2020 16:48 by Fazzy
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The gender reveal device that started those fires in California must've said the kid was gonna be a flamer.
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09-07-2020 19:03 by Fazzy
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In this world, there are beings who consider you their universe. Okay, they're dust mites and they live on your eyebrows, but so?
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10-10-2020 23:07 by Fazzy
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