SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You will NEVER see a person with Tourette's syndrome on the bomb squad.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 10:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alarm system? Yeah right. I'll defend my home the way my ancestors would have. A series of large painted portraits with peepholes for eyes.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 11:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish anger burned more calories.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 11:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 13:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess one of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
←Rate | 04-12-2016 13:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eating chocolate pudding from a diaper is a great way to get a whole row to yourself at the movies.
←Rate | 04-12-2016 13:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't they just put Harriet Tubman's face on EBT cards???
←Rate | 04-24-2016 12:46 by SEAN Comments (3)  


   messageicon The firefighters' union announced that it was no longer supporting Hillary for president. You know your campaign's in trouble when firefighters are like, 'Even WE can't put out that many fires.'"
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:16 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "According to a new poll, Hillary Clinton has lost a third of her supporters since May. There's still debate as to whether she lost them or just deleted them from her database.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started to wear a wig at the gym so everyone thinks I am strong for a girl.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Urinating on a jelly fish sting helps the pain. Urinating on a bee sting just makes your neighbor angry.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I used to dream of that fairytale kind of love. Now I'll settle for someone who'll gain weight faster than me.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the presidential election is between a grandma who can't figure out her email and a grandpa who believes every spam he receives? Great.
←Rate | 07-06-2016 15:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw a sign in the bus station today, it said ‘One bus takes 35 cars off the road’ personally I think it depends how aggressive the driver is…
←Rate | 07-08-2016 08:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The worst thing about spanking a disobedient child in the supermarket is having absolutely no idea who’s child it is.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 08:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was reading that dogs can successfully sniff out cancer in humans. Now I’m worried that I’ve got testicular cancer.
←Rate | 07-08-2016 09:07 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wife was bragging about being a multi-tasker last night, I said " O yeah, why can’t you have a headache and sex at the same time?”......
←Rate | 07-08-2016 09:11 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
←Rate | 07-08-2016 10:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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