Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Most guys propose with a diamond but if you're really smart give her an onion ring that way if she says no you still have a snack.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:50 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of the importance of safe sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon well how long before we see KC Royals World Series shirts on the news during an ebola segment in Africa. ...
←Rate | 10-29-2014 23:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe congress should hire Nik Wallenda to balance the budget...
←Rate | 11-02-2014 22:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you won't have anything to smile and talk about when you're old
←Rate | 11-06-2014 16:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows
←Rate | 11-06-2014 17:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain't good.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 17:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about fighting someone in a Denny's parking lot is win or lose you can go in and have some waffles afterwards.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 17:01 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife started clipping coupons to help save us money. She keeps them in her 800.00 purse....
←Rate | 11-07-2014 17:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 17:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically you are more likely to die from being in Lynyrd Skynyrd than from Ebola.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 17:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fair warning to bros calling me a sissy... your face WILL be posted on my Pinterest.
←Rate | 11-08-2014 13:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
←Rate | 11-11-2014 09:04 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one who's ever seen a fat ugly lady at Walmart with 7 screaming kids...and think who keeps doing you!
←Rate | 11-11-2014 09:58 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thought I was watching a commercial for Grand Theft Auto 5... Turns out I was watching CNN's reporting on Ferguson riots...
←Rate | 11-25-2014 11:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you show up at my party with an acoustic guitar, that thing better be filled with onion dip.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started my post-Thanksgiving cleanse and I just coughed up several feathers and a pecan pie.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don't even have a battery in my smoke detector, and fire is real.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of having kids? Practice getting small children ready to play in the snow by wrestling a pair of gloves onto an angry octopus.
←Rate | 12-02-2014 11:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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