Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If I ever die I want to be buried in my refrigerator in case I wake up and want pudding.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!" - American children.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear if I see one more person enter this WalMart wearing pajamas I am going to take the belt off my bathrobe and choke them with it
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat's hair grows back.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A coworker wouldn't stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon As a child, I used to play with an imaginary man who lived in a well. He'd be all, "Please, I'm not imaginary!" and I'd just laugh and laugh
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my wife to start a conversation.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a tattered suit that I bring to weddings so if I happen to be running late I can put it on and stumble in yelling, "BEAR! BEAR!"
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL is taking it's crackdown on violence so seriously, the refs are now using rape whistles.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hackers leak rare photos of Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus wearing clothing.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can't get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to just say "You should see the other guy" on it
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
←Rate | 10-08-2014 10:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if those guys who ordered that white boy to play funky music until he died ever got arrested.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spent way too much time walking around the house trying to track down an odd noise that turned out to be a whistle in my nose.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:43 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious.
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet you guys can't guess what the Titanic's least favorite kind of lettuce is
←Rate | 10-08-2014 13:50 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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