Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My last girlfriend wanted more excitement in our relationship so I gave her a couple of opportunities to escape the basement.
←Rate | 02-19-2014 17:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a call from the IRS this morning, the lady asked me why I sent a condom in with my taxes, I said I figured if I am getting f%ck%d, might as well be safe about it.....
←Rate | 03-03-2014 11:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's hoping the wind at your back doesn't come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick's Day!
←Rate | 03-17-2014 09:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rush Limbaugh says CBS hiring Stephen Colbert is an "assault on traditional American values," like drug use, gluttony, sexism and lying.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a small section in Paul Ryan's budget plan that makes it legal for the Koch brothers to hunt poors. Google it.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love when people make a photo of their kid as their Facebook profile pic so it's like a baby is screaming about gun rights.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one will think you're boring if you walk around all day wearing a deployed parachute
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:42 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:42 by sean Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
←Rate | 04-11-2014 15:51 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do twins ever realize that one of them was unplanned?
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadians aren't as polite as everyone thinks. In fact they're pretty gangster. Today, for instance, I witnessed a drive-by apology.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just layed on my horn for 39 seconds at the slow driver in front of me before realizing he was the last car of a funeral procession.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women who brag about multi-tasking should chill out. There is nothing cool about doing 4 things wrong at once
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon You girls were right about these yoga pants. I have never been more comfortable eating a bucket of chicken.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once dated an amputee,,,, She single-handedly changed my life.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Told my son, If you hit a game-ending home run it just seems polite to go ahead and pick up the bases as you go around.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Aliens watching our media must assume we are being implored to show allegiance to our ruler, a mysterious entity named "Geico."
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My biggest fear is that some day my wife will find all the ice cubes I've kicked under the fridge.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently sticking gum in a girl's hair no longer counts as flirting.
←Rate | 06-02-2014 17:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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