Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Now that I am woke and want to make amends for my hateful act of being born white, I want reparations for all the money I spent at Pottery Barn over the years.
←Rate | 12-22-2020 07:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.
←Rate | 12-20-2020 11:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you think about it, snow is nothing more than "rain, rain go away", that doesn't go away. It lies on the ground mocking you.
←Rate | 12-15-2020 08:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The greatest comedians don't say funny things, they say things funny.
←Rate | 12-05-2020 22:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to my girlfriend's house to make mad, passionate love to her. Then have her fix us something to eat. That's what's meant by bed and breakfast, right?
←Rate | 12-05-2020 07:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last week, I tried to kill a spider with an entire can of cheap hairspray. No luck. It now smokes two packs a day, wears blue eye shadow, joined a bowling league and calls itself "Brenda."
←Rate | 12-04-2020 09:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me to my son: "Hey, look at this article. It says, 'Vaccines are ready to roll, thanks to beeyotch." My son: "That word is 'biotech', dad."
←Rate | 12-02-2020 07:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I listened to today's music. It's nothing more than computer generated sampled effects and pieced together bit by bit blurbs of insincerity with auto-tuned vocals. Might as well listen to a power point presentation.
←Rate | 11-27-2020 09:39 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no way I'm ever eating Thanksgiving leftovers again straight out of the fridge. Yes, that's right. I quit cold turkey.
←Rate | 11-27-2020 09:23 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which Thanksgiving Day parade doesn't have Jimmy Fallon hot-dogging all over the place? Asking for a frien ... me.
←Rate | 11-26-2020 08:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The eyes are the window to the soul. The mouth is the window to the esophagus. (Sorry. I'm anticipating Thanksgiving dinner.)
←Rate | 11-25-2020 17:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often wonder what would have been had John Lennon decided to stay home that night.
←Rate | 11-25-2020 07:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay, I've decided to come clean. The reason I sit at the kids' table on Thanksgiving is just so I can hide the green bean casserole under my grandson's plate.
←Rate | 11-23-2020 07:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The good old days are in the past, yet the memories are alive in the present.
←Rate | 11-22-2020 19:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mother Nature gave man a set of balls solely to propagate the species. God gave man a set of balls solely for scratching.
←Rate | 11-18-2020 22:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone suggested the Google Earth app to the Flat Earth Society?
←Rate | 11-16-2020 17:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I joined the Flat Earth Society. I'm hoping they see my stomach the same way they see the planet.
←Rate | 11-15-2020 13:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't make it in Hip Hop, there's always IHOP.
←Rate | 11-11-2020 17:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know about you, but I think Kanye still has a chance.
←Rate | 11-10-2020 08:25 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook and Twitter are no different than commun┬íst countries who control the media. Although they aren't government entities, they still have far reaching influence due to their sizable presence.
←Rate | 10-24-2020 05:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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