Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Quick question: can I breastfeed if I've had implants?
←Rate | 09-22-2022 11:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If performance-enhancing drugs aren't allowed in sports then why is makeup allowed in beauty contests?
←Rate | 09-21-2022 07:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wife: honey the vacuum isn't Sucking. Husband: Frustrating isn't it.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 13:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Been walking like an Egyptian and need to visit a Cairopractor.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 50 might be the new 40, but the hundred dollar bill is now the new twenty.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Beyond Meat COO was arrested for biting a man’s nose. Once again proving you just can’t beat the real thing.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If global warming was causing guns to melt, we'd all be driving electric cars within two weeks.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oops! I left the curtains open. Now my neighbors know what my junk looks like pressed up against the window with a flashlight aimed at it.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd like to be a nudist but we just don't have the weather for it
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you think about it, Mariah Carey and Drew Carey don't even look like sister and brother.
←Rate | 09-20-2022 08:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I choose what restaurants to go to, based on if they have Mr. Pibb
←Rate | 09-19-2022 08:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I wonder if things are getting worse or just more obvious.
←Rate | 09-18-2022 23:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was just on the Weight-Watchers website and it asked me if I would accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
←Rate | 09-18-2022 20:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Crocodiles are easy. They try to kill and eat you. People are harder. Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.”
←Rate | 09-18-2022 17:00 by MM Comments (0)  

   messageicon Where can I buy a loaf of that jammin' bread that I always hear about in the song..."Tea, a drink with jammin' bread?"
←Rate | 09-18-2022 15:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why is Martha’s Vineyard so upset about becoming enriched by diversity?
←Rate | 09-17-2022 11:14 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I honestly don't care what color the Mermaid is. It's all gonna smell like fish either way.
←Rate | 09-16-2022 15:51 by @svaldez187 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Remember: You can't have a mid-life crisis if your entire life is a crisis.
←Rate | 09-16-2022 14:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're running away from a pack of taxidermists, whatever you do, DO NOT play dead!
←Rate | 09-15-2022 17:39 Comments (0)  

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