Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Pizza won’t solve your problems but you gotta try something.
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Why are they called ‘school gym clothes’ and not ‘class action suits’?
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’ve eaten so much Easter candy..that at this point I’m positive i’m ovulating Reese’s eggs.
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your 40’s: everyone is twelve now.
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just read that michelangelo painted the sistine chapel on his back. Must’ve been really difficult reaching that bit between his shoulders.
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me [cracking open a beer]: Man, what a rough day. Wife: IT’S 8 AM
←Rate | 04-08-2021 08:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon He is the reason my favorite color is no longer orange.
←Rate | 04-07-2021 18:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I never hear another guy in a cowboy hat singing whiny 3-chord dirges about trucks, dogs, and the girl that left him, I'll be happy. I'm not surprised she left him if that's all she had to listen to.
←Rate | 04-07-2021 18:04 by ElvisEarp Comments (0)  

   messageicon it wrong to write, "He owed me $50" in the funeral guest book?
←Rate | 04-07-2021 06:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist told me I need to take the time to find myself. Took me all of 5 minutes. There was a mirror in the bathroom. Who's the smart one now Doc?
←Rate | 04-06-2021 19:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am "I remember when Saturday Night Live Was Funny" years old.
←Rate | 04-05-2021 13:15 by Yaj Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week
←Rate | 04-05-2021 11:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You used to be able to somewhat cross the line. Nowadays, you can't come anywhere near the line. You used to be able to somewhat push the envelope. Nowadays you'd better pull back the envelope.
←Rate | 04-04-2021 16:12 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Procrastinate now-don't put it off.
←Rate | 04-04-2021 07:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're feeling down becausecoffee your dating life, just remember, Matt Gaetz didn't have a high-school date until he was 38-years old.
←Rate | 04-03-2021 02:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I learned to play guitar so people would stop asking me to go camping.
←Rate | 04-02-2021 14:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your 40’s. You now choose restaurants based on how much back support their seating offers
←Rate | 04-02-2021 14:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: (Sneezes) Microchip in my left arm: Bless you
←Rate | 04-02-2021 14:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to your fifties. Everyone sits down at the concerts you go to now.
←Rate | 04-02-2021 14:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So now they say Vaccinated People can Gather in Groups of 8 with No Issues but I don’t Know 8 People with No Issues.
←Rate | 04-02-2021 14:53 Comments (0)  

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