Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why is it that Every time I use a plunger, it feels like I am giving my toilet CPR?
←Rate | 09-16-2021 10:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon CDC ~ Center to deceive and control.
←Rate | 09-16-2021 02:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Let go of my ears, I know what I’m doing.
←Rate | 09-15-2021 01:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I try to live my life everyday as if it were my last. And who wants to do laundry on their last day? Not me…
←Rate | 09-14-2021 15:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 14:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A termite walks into a bar and asks where's the bar tender?
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:49 by Moon Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about shopping at Trader Joes is that the cashier reacts to every item they scan like you came up with it and grew it yourself
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nursing school doesn’t prepare you for the number of elderly patients who will casually confess to decades-old murders.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon a girl at starbucks complimented my lip gloss. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was grease from the rotisserie chicken I just ate in the parking lot.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 08:12 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where's Corn Pop?
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:57 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:48 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon What you just said, is one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:36 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't approve of poll-little-cow jokes, I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Go practice spitting out teeth and I'll be over there in a minute.
←Rate | 09-14-2021 02:13 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The imbecile underneath this couldn't come up with a clever retort, so he stood on my shoulders and a f00l of himself in the process.
←Rate | 09-13-2021 19:21 by Ef-Az-Zzee Comments (0)  

   messageicon I find it hilarious how adults parrots these childish insults about other people. I guess they hate adulthood and want to be children again.
←Rate | 09-13-2021 11:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me, twenty minutes after the edible kicks in: I don’t think Donkey Kong was even a donkey
←Rate | 09-13-2021 10:11 Comments (0)  

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