MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Sometimes, life is like a jar of jalapenos.... What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
←Rate | 10-21-2013 11:17 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nelson Mandela is dead. he has done some simply stunning things in his lifetime, my favorite was his performance as Red in Shawshank Redemption.
←Rate | 12-05-2013 17:47 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon 'Nelson Mandela dies at 95' Respect where it's due... That's 5 miles an hour faster than Paul Walker!
←Rate | 12-05-2013 17:51 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked the librarian if they have any books on innuendos. "Yes, but it's a fairly large one, so you'll have to take it in the rear"
←Rate | 01-14-2014 13:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just bought the new book set "Understanding Women" the simplified version. it's 14 volumes with over 876 pages per volume.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 17:01 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:41 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon Winds up to 108 mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...sure is making this texting while driving a real challenge.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:56 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend, who heard it from another, then that information might of come from the same person that was in that REO Speedwagon song.
←Rate | 03-01-2014 17:53 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon The French have announced they've sent a peace keeping force to Ukraine. They've managed to secure the city of Chernobyl without any resistance.
←Rate | 03-02-2014 13:06 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 08:21 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
←Rate | 10-14-2015 07:48 by mds Comments (0)  

   messageicon He came hopping out of nowhere... I nearly spilled my beer, while I was driving along texting with the radio cranked up. Suddenly, I seen a flash of gray followed up with a "thump-thump!" Anyway Happy Easter! Sorry if you didn't get anything, my bad.
←Rate | 03-27-2016 09:20 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon "This is all your fault!" my wife moaned this morning. "What the hell have I done now?" I asked her. "Give me a chance to think," she said, "I've just woke up."
←Rate | 08-17-2016 07:10 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I walked in on my son flushing handfuls of Skittles down the toilet "OMG! Check this out Dad!" He said excitedly "It's just like watching NASCAR at Bristol!"
←Rate | 10-10-2016 16:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just saw a guy getting mugged. I was going to help him out, but he was wearing Crocs.
←Rate | 11-30-2016 14:15 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's safe to assume that more pubes are shaved on February 13th than any other day of the year.
←Rate | 02-13-2017 07:24 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Happy Single's Discrimination Day #NotMyValentinesDay
←Rate | 02-14-2017 07:52 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but for nearly two hours I thought her mood ring was a strobe light.
←Rate | 11-01-2017 13:49 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The next four weeks is going to be incredibly difficult for people whose grandmother's actually have been ran over by reindeer.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 11:01 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.
←Rate | 12-02-2017 16:02 by MDS Comments (0)  

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