Mike Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I was just kicked out of a restaurant because of my pants. Wasn't wearing any.
←Rate | 06-25-2018 17:09 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day. If your life is really that bad, you should probably do something about it. No, whining on Facebook is not considered "something."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 14:08 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
←Rate | 12-22-2009 10:28 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Horse racing is just like NASCAR only slower.....and with poop.
←Rate | 11-27-2009 12:26 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish I could say it"s nice to see Michael Bolton working again, but it's really not. Thanks Honda.
←Rate | 11-20-2013 20:01 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now that's news! That poor rat was yanked out of his mailbox this morning and predicted that all the people watching in the cold were idiots.
←Rate | 02-02-2014 08:10 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon there are no shortcuts to any place worth going...
←Rate | 12-27-2009 23:54 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ha ha, my dog ate one of my diuretics and is now pissing a circle around the neighbor's Corvette ...pretty sure this means that is now his car.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 10:31 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I consider any gun that is pointed at me and fired with the intent to harm me to be an assault weapon.
←Rate | 01-27-2013 16:26 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."
←Rate | 12-04-2009 08:20 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wonders if getting excited in your car is considered autoerotic?
←Rate | 07-30-2010 15:15 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not really sure who won the Powerball drawing-- but as my coworkers start to show up, I'm able to cross off my list of likely winners.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 18:58 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw some bright orange splatter on the drive home from DC....it was either a smashed pumpkin, or John Boehner--either way I assumed it was worthless and wasn't stopping
←Rate | 10-31-2010 19:20 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson
←Rate | 05-03-2010 19:48 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw on the news that Flavor Flav is 56 years old today, and had two immediate thoughts: 1. How the F$%^ did Flav manage to take care of himself for 56 years? 2. F$%^, I'm old.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 05:52 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon The bad thing about aging is that sooner or later, "bust a move" turns into "bust a hip."
←Rate | 10-22-2013 20:39 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I asked my significant other what time it was this evening and got the response of "5:54...5:53...5:52...". I guess next time I should remind her the microwave is on.
←Rate | 12-26-2010 22:57 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Moving into the White house would be living in poverty for Trump...he'd be slumming it.
←Rate | 07-26-2015 09:19 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon is hoping for some Salem style mayhem before having to sit through another Harry Potter snorefest.....Gandalf still owes me 8 bucks for the last one.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 05:04 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon anyone who says it's as easy as taking candy from a baby, has never tried taking candy from a baby!
←Rate | 08-23-2009 23:05 by Mike Comments (0)  

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