KISSTOPHER Funny Status Messages
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What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
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Dear Enemies, I have so much more for you to be mad about. Just be patient.
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"Hello, would you like to take part in a one-question survey?" "Sure." "Great! Thanks for participating."
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When I die I want written on my tombstone "Finally Offline".
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My poker face is when I'm standing in the express lane with 16 items.
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Don't be Jealous of Me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd probably need year of therapy.
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Men resolve a fight with a fist fight. Women resolve a fight with years of backstabbing, name calling, rumor spreading & social exclusion.
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Dear Lord; If my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they wont bother hating on mine.
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When I was a kid I thought room service was for rich people. Now I realize it's for lazy, hungover people who can't find their pants.
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RANDOM FACT: Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder.
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You know, Microsoft, if you had called it Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones.
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You know we're in a recession when they start making game shows where the winner gets a job.
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Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.
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RECYCLING RULE 101: if no one saw what clothes you were wearing today, its totally fine to wear them again tomorrow.
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Just because someone smiles a lot doesn't mean they're nice or they like you. Take alligators for example.
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"Bros before hoes" sounds like something a bro without a hoe would say.
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Pregnant women look so happy. It's like they don't even know what's going to happen.
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Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
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Never trust a woman who doesn't b*tch about everything.
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Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.
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