Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon CDC: Covid is more deadly when people are obese. Gov: “Close The Gyms!”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m like an avocado, I’m only pleasant for a short period of time and it’s up to you to figure out when that is.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m busy right now, can I ignore you later?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t you hate it when you ask someone what time it is and they’re not wearing a watch, but they look at their wrist anyway and say, “it’s about a hair past a freckle.”
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I yelled “Bingo!!” but refused to let you examine my card, would you give me the prize anyway?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would slap the crap out of you, but there would be nothing left.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Moved the thermostat up one degree this morning as a little treat for the family.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Security at every level of the airport is insane, until you get to the baggage claim. Then it’s like, take whatever bag you want. 😂
←Rate | 01-24-2023 00:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trillion-dollar propaganda machine vs. people putting funny words on pictures.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it actually snows, please stay home. Y’all can’t even drive when it’s sunny. Lol
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most folks keep their trap shut when they’ve nothing interesting to say. Not you, your flipper flaps like the national deficit.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I didn’t reply for 45 days. Lol What’s up?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:08 Comments (0)  




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