Funny Status Messages

   what's the difference between 'fat chance' and 'slim chance'?

   in the future i'm gonna be telling my kids "back in my day we sat the DVD player on top of the tv"

   I sleep peacefully knowing negative energy can always be transformed into a one night stand.

   According to the BBC, Harold Camping cannot be found today which made me laugh. Now we can all have a bit of peace!

   i doubt you're really laughing out loud

   Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

   sometimes, even the smallest apology will make me feel better; but most of the time, I think you're full of SH!T.

   visiting all 6.3 million web pages about 'obsessive personality'.

   I'm multi-talented, I can talk and piss you off at the same time

   Saturday, brought to you by the people that brought you coolers, ice, and cold beer.

   considering the irony of someone actually "butt-dialing" their proctologist

   I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   I like my men like I like my ice. Crushed and melts away within a reasonable time so I don't have to deal with it.

   last minute stocking stuffer gift idea... knee-pads for the wife!

   I think my dirty clothes are lazy....I've given them a whole week and they still haven't moved any closer to the washer.

   You can take your "third time's a charm" and shove it right up your "I deserve a second chance."

   Please pray for the guy holding his girlfriend's hand and trying to use his phone with his other hand. You can do it buddy.

   Country music was much better back when they sang about murdering people all the time

   Adorable when people think that I’d care enough to hate them.

   If you think my lunchbox looks a lot like a 12 pack, you're right... except there's only 4 left now! :)