Funny Status Messages

   can't understand the the problem with "Don't Ask Don't Tell" - the Catholic Church has been using it for hundreds of years, and it's never been a problem

   ,"for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son,that whoever shall believe in him shall not perish but have eternal life."JOHN 3:16

   Aaa the economy. The only people doing good is some black guy, his wife, two daughters.. and they live in a big white house they don't belong in. . .

   You know you're getting old when you hide the year of your date of birth on your profile.

   *girl look's at her moms drivers license* Girl: Mom, I know why dad left you! mom: Oh yeah, why? Girl: Because you got an F in sex.

   Sterling got shafted by "BLACK MERICA".

   How come we pay guys millions a year to toss a ball around, then when our teachers ask for a raise, we say they already make enough

   People want a RELATIONSHIP, but always find themselves in a RELATIONSH!T.......Which one are you in?

   Get your tongue out of my mouth !...I'm trying to kiss you good-bye !

   Changing the wording to my previous post doesn't make the previous status any funnier

   'I love having sex with you' doesn't mean, 'I'm only having sex with you'

   In all fairness - now that President Obama has shown his long form birth certificate... He should demand Trump to show that his hair is real and to prove it or just finally shut up!! As he's starting to sound crazier than Charlie Sheen!! Winning

   Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

   If I am ever in the middle of a shooting, I will just lay on the floor and act like someone already killed me.

   I keep a baseball bat under the bed just in case someone breaks in and throws a ball at me..

   heres an idea, only post orginal stuff that you thought of. if you post something you think is "so funny" from another website..weve heard it already.

   Hey got a new challenge for you Trumpster haters... Post a pic of you tearing your stimulus check up on social media.

   I wonder if Cher is going to get lonely once the rest of us have died.

   Why do you keep liking your own status? Of course you would like it, you f**king posted it!

   I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'