Funny Status Messages

   I think women are born with the right to warm their cold toes on men.

   its National Coming Out Day. What ever you do don't take that call from Grandma. Trust Me on this.

   There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".

   Procrastinators unite!…Tomorrow..

   Life can be like a prick, Sometimes it gets hard for no apparent reason.

   Today the rest of you women don't matter til' Monday...and when Tuesday rolls around a couple of you still won't matter.

   Its hard to work when the theme song to the Gummi Bears cartoon is running through your head

   Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

   Dear buffalo wings: What happened to us? You were soooo good to me last night. But today… all I can say is OUCH!

   If I ever get arrested, do I have a good enough friend to come to my house and clear my browseer before they can obtain the search warrant??

   Trying to write a country song. What rhymes with, My dog drank all my beer and my wife left me?

   Single? No, I'm just in a relationship with freedom.

   I accidentally took 4 Ativan pills but I'm surprisingly not all that worried.

   They say life is one long and crazy ride. I wanna know how the hell did I get a ticket and can I get a refund!

   It's better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

   still a free agent mulling over my options. I will however continue to entertain decent offers.

   The only thing standing between me and greatness is millions of people who are more talented and want it more.

   If watching He-man cartoons has taught me anything it's that you can solve any problem with a sword.

   Canadian Thanksgiving tip #43: The meal isn't over until you hate yourself.

   Idea: We lure Godzilla to Washington D.C., and then claim the insurance money. (we could balance the budget and start over)