Funny Status Messages

   The ads on the right-hand side of my screen are for Meth-awareness, 'Get Yourself Tested' & Buy or lease a new Hummer this Christmas...Great so, Facebook has catagorized me as a disease-infested, drug-loving slut that dosen't care about the environment???

   Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

   The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

   So its the day after christmas. boxing day for some; discount shopping to others; toilet blow out day for all who stuff the sh*t out of there bellys at that family member house! Good luck and hang in there.

   Every time someone asks me for directions, I navigate them to the nearest bar or strip club. That will teach them to buy a GPS.

   Figure out what you want otherwise others will just string you along to accomplish what THEY want.

   Ordered a plunger and a snare drum on Amazon so next time you order one and it recommends the other, thank me

   Just because you change a earlier post from Mom to Dad or Brother to Sister doesn't make it any funnier !!

   I am a wizard with the ladies. Okay, well, I can make them disappear.

   How do you walk like an Egyptian in 2011? You don't. Running across streets, flipping cars, and setting fires are the prerequistes

   I'm was wondering, just what funky music WAS that white boy playing anyway?

   If you went to High School with your girlfriend's grandfather, you might be a Hugh Heffner.

   My hangover feels like someone is screaming at me in German.

   I wish instead of the stock market you could buy stock in famous people. This country is already obsessed with celebrities, we might as well have somethin to lose. Instead of hedge funds, you could buy families. I would totally buy Will Smith's family!

   I don't know about flavored vodkas, but I'm pretty sure tequila only comes in one flavor; “Bad Decisions”.

   If you are in a relationship, and you are not enjoying all the great things and benefits that come with a relationship, double check the meaning of a RELATIONSHIP.

   Something about the person(s) telling me to quit complaining about making some guy I've never met rich from my "free" social activities, makes me want to sock someone in the neck.

   Rolling a piece of toilet paper up and sticking it in your ear and just letting it hang there makes it awkward for people to talk to you.

   Bluntception: A blunt inside of a blunt, takes 5minutes to roll & over an hour to smoke.

   It's okay ladies, I understand. If I did twice the work and got half the credit I'd go crazy too.