Funny Status Messages

   LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.

   Dear America. Since you keep whining about how you don't care about the Royal Wedding you should now have some idea how the rest of us feel about hearing about your Presidential elections every four years. Regards, The Rest of The World.

   Are there any voters who still think electing Biden was a good thing?

   This morning I thought i'd play a little joke on my girlfreind so I swapped her tampons with party poppers... Absolutely no sense of humour that girl.

   Dear girl at the bar with the smokin body, long tan legs and amazing knockers, your face looks like a man so I bet you get it from behind a lot. #KeepinItReal

   May the force of Hurricane Irene wipe out the entire "Jersey Shore" cast. Lord, hear our prayer!

   (last one I promise) - LaBron James will publish his autobiography as soon as he can come up with a TITLE

   A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief....Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed

   Cats are smarter than dogs, you'll never see 8 cats pulling some dumb a$$ through the snow!!

   "I don't always drink milk, but when I do, I prefer Dos Chi Chis." hahaha Stay Thirsty my friends.

   Lazy fact #254946156, You were too lazy to read that number

   ..... Now America will find out just how affordable the Affordable "Free" Healthcare really is! ....... BTW ... there is a price that will be paid for it!.... And it is not free.

   Good thing my car has cruise control because I'm feeling pretty sleepy.

   The transition from woman to cougar happens when you go from Marlboro Lights to Virginia Slims.

   If you have a hunting license,, it's TOTALLY legal to shoot cars with antlers on them.

   after being ignored for 3 months, I've finally taken the hint!

   There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same

   Maybe if women would quit playing games they'd worry less about competition.

   "went from being single" to "being single like a boss".

   Fun fact: the male eye has an ability to slow actual time when a titty pops out within it's sight. It's science.