Funny Status Messages

   To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

   If your giving your all and your all isn't enough your giving it to the wrong person!!

   That Moment of Fame when your name is in a math problem.

   Girlfriend pressuring you to have a baby? Set the alarm on her phone to an infant screaming. If that doesn't changer her mind..DUMP HER!

   I think I'm a good judge of people...that's why I don't like none of 'em.

   The difference between men and women? women dont draw √aginas on each others foreheads after a night of drinking

   Never trust a rabbit or a duck,,, if you want to find out which hunting season it is.

   it me or does the pope look like a super villian?

   I don't care if you're a dog person or a cat person, I generally don't date anyone with a tail.

   Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to a paramedic.

   I opened up a can of coke and it said, "Sorry, you didn't win". I didn't even know I was playing, yet I was still disappointed.

   Due to the shortage of any great leaders in my government, I have decided to follow myself... seems that I just keep walking around in circles though.

   Oh, you think you're ugly? I believe you spelled attention seeking wh$re wrong.

   Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.

   Friends don't let friends decorate drunk!

   Alcohol: The Leading cause of rug burns on your forehead.

   Single awareness day approaches :/

   I'm not lazy. I'm just highly motivated not to do anything.

   Ladies: You know by saying you want a man who is good in bed implies that you are also good in bed right??

   Nice guys don't finish last, they finish by themselves in front of the computer.