Funny Status Messages
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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face, and now I believe her... 
Fungry: The state of being f**king hungry
People should STOP complaining about Facebook's privacy settings. If you want some PRIVACY, you should go back to Myspace.
"a day without immigrants" "a day without women" "a day without blacks" If you realy want to impress us try "A day without foodstamps"
What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? Spit, swallow, and gargle.
accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
With all the ugly hats and horse teeth, I thought it was the Kentucky Derby...
All women want is sex. All guys want is to cuddle and have a good conversation.
Education should be free for all people willing to learn!
We should give the Syrian goverment hoodies and skittles... Then send George Zimmerman
Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks hasn't met my dog. I told him to play dead and after 5 straight day's he's still going strong...
wondering how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop
If woman are not suppose to cook then why did god naturally put milk and eggs in your body?
I've a bottle of Champagne chilling for election night. If Romney wins I'll drink a glass. If Obama wins I'll drink the whole thing then start on whiskey....
LIFE IS LIKE A BOWL OF SOUP..... YOU ONLY GET BLOWN IF YOU'RE HOT!
so....my uncle came out of the closet yesterday....Oh, he's not gay....he just has Alzheimer's and thought it was his car....
Not every idiot can read........But look at you go!
Happy 4th of July! We did it America! We've almost completely ruined everything!
We fought for independence so we wouldn't have to care about the royal baby.
I don’t understand why some people are SO obsessed about having friends…. Last time I checked caskets didn’t come with bunk beds…. f*ck em. 