Funny Status Messages
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Hey Hillary! Are there any remaining campaign funds to make a trip to a microphone and ask your supporters to chill out? 
The ole saying is: if you can't beat em join em, but don't join the stupid liberals protesting. . .
Well, It is becoming very self evident who the REAL and True Tolerant people in the US are. Just look who can't refrain from being violent.
If you're over 23 and you post pics of yourself flipping the bird, just accept the fact that you're a complete imbecile.
One bad cop became the cure for Corona. Who knew?
Isn't it curious how almost all of the Networks slammed the evil Republican Convention all this week. Prediction: They will almost all have an ecstatic and excited thrill running up and down their collective legs during the Democrat convention.
Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
On the 8th day, God created beer, to keep Canadians from taking over the world:)
CNN just posed the question: "Who should get the Bin Laden bounty?" I don't want the dude's paper towels!
Inside me there is a thin, blonde, glamourous woman. But that's just because I lost a bet at a sorority party and had to eat a barbie doll."
Ex girlfriends are like herpes...... you ignore them for a few months and then BAM, theyre back, obnoxious as ever.
The Eskimo's allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also...
Poor Snooki, Charlie Sheen wouldnt even hit that.
Don't be pushed around by your problems; be led by your courage.
The proper word that describes you would be vinegar sac. Yep, I just said douche bag but in a fancy way!
The later I get, the drunker it is.
Don't type to me in THAT tone of voice!
I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else. Bloody referees.
I just kicked my shoe off my foot and it bounced off the excercise ball and hit me in the face 