Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My dog is LAZY. Instead of chasing cars, he just lies on the front porch and writes down the license plate numbers. 🐶
←Rate | 07-27-2020 13:03 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last week, I tried to kill a spider with an entire can of cheap hairspray. No luck. It now smokes two packs a day, wears blue eye shadow, joined a bowling league and calls itself "Brenda."
←Rate | 12-04-2020 09:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you think about it, snow is nothing more than "rain, rain go away", that doesn't go away. It lies on the ground mocking you.
←Rate | 12-15-2020 08:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Despite what you may think, a unicorn isn't the most magical animal. A pig is. You feed it slop, it makes bacon. It's magic I tell you.
←Rate | 06-06-2020 22:45 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh no! They blacklisted Pepe Le'Pew. Now where am I gonna get my "moves"?
←Rate | 03-08-2021 11:18 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
←Rate | 02-03-2020 06:37 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a year numbered 2020, it's amazing how blind some folks can be.
←Rate | 06-05-2020 06:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t forget to thank a teacher... for their part in creating an entire generation of uneducated, privileged, clueless wannabe social media celebrities with zero work ethic.
←Rate | 07-06-2020 12:34 by Fazzy Comments (1)  


   messageicon The gender reveal device that started those fires in California must've said the kid was gonna be a flamer.
←Rate | 09-07-2020 19:03 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon In this world, there are beings who consider you their universe. Okay, they're dust mites and they live on your eyebrows, but so?
←Rate | 10-10-2020 23:07 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone suggested the Google Earth app to the Flat Earth Society?
←Rate | 11-16-2020 17:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
←Rate | 12-02-2019 06:36 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't actually bother me much that I'll keep forgetting to write 2020 on my checks. What does bother me, is that it's 2020 and I'm still writing checks.
←Rate | 01-04-2020 19:49 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.
←Rate | 03-10-2020 05:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.
←Rate | 07-13-2020 07:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a woman sends me a "Hey there, good lookin" message, you can be assured she sent it to five other guys too. Kidding. She sent it to me by mistake.
←Rate | 12-09-2019 06:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prepare yourself. The family Christmas pajama pics are headed your way.
←Rate | 12-25-2019 11:09 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to buy a set of salad plates. I asked the saleslady at Ross if they had any 8" plates. She said, "Plates are like men." I asked, "How so?" She goes, "They say 8", but they're actually 6".
←Rate | 01-10-2020 06:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon How effective is the absorbency of an oak leaf? Asking for a squirrel.
←Rate | 03-15-2020 08:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've decided that throughout this Coronavirus ordeal; especially to those at home practicing Social Distancing, the term "calories" regarding all foods shall now be referred to as "Boredom Alleviation Points."
←Rate | 03-19-2020 07:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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