JBabcock Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Whoever said "It's what's on the inside that counts the most" never met my ex and experienced how full of sh!t she is.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 08:12 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
←Rate | 09-24-2011 08:08 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon The 12th beer of a 12 pack always tastes a little bit like I'm calling off tomorrow.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 08:03 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was gonna play "Got your Nose" with one of my annoying coworkers the other day. But we couldn't cause she put her nose where it normally is- in our Boss's @ss.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 07:52 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a picture of myself in my wall in my nursing uniform holding two empty bedpans. That way when they show me a photo of their honor studen or their new car I can show them a photo of me not giving two sh!ts.
←Rate | 09-24-2011 07:45 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon What I resent most about 2011 : No Jetson Backpacks
←Rate | 09-24-2011 01:16 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Fork, I know I've never contacted you since I ran away with the plate. But I thought you should know you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
←Rate | 09-24-2011 00:52 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
←Rate | 09-24-2011 00:47 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I go through a junk drawer and see things like a battery, a paper clip, several old rubberbands, an old watch, and a glasses repair kit I always wonder-WWMD? What would MacGuyver do?
←Rate | 09-24-2011 00:30 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon This is your status on the old FB. ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ʍǝu ǝɥʇ uo snʇɐʇs ɹnoʎ sı sıɥʇ....Any questions?
←Rate | 09-22-2011 08:33 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon If my Grandad were alive and on FB he'd be posting the same 9 or 10 stories over and over and as much as that would drive me crazy I would give anything to see his smile and "like" his posts today.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 20:43 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a boy all I ever wanted was super sized tree house and a Jetson style Jetpack. But then my desires became more grown up over the years and now all I want is some dancing Hamsters from the Kia Soul commercials
←Rate | 09-19-2011 20:20 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to think that there was this huge difference between Clowns and Mimes. But actually they all scream the same kinds of things at you when you spray them with Pepper Spray.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 19:57 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Visiting your extremely religious Grandma can be a day full of uncomfortable feelings and guilt. This is because Grandma has a little Dogma that's obsessed with chasing after everyone elses Karma.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 19:44 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon In grade school I dreamed of having a supersized tree house and a flyable jetpack. now that I'm grown up all I want is 2 dancing Hamsters from the Kia Soul Commercial.
←Rate | 09-17-2011 16:48 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well I just watched Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" in the middle of the night on my night off all by myself. I'm not scared or anything but I wish my wife were awake so she could walk me to the bathroom. That's ok though....I can hold it.
←Rate | 09-16-2011 06:24 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate Fridays that aren't payday. Sometimes this day makes me wish I had a Viking Helm so I could walk into the payroll office and yell "It's MY money and I need it nooooow!!!"
←Rate | 09-13-2011 13:48 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon "When life handed ME lemonaid I turned it into Hard Lemonaid"- Mike
←Rate | 09-13-2011 12:51 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon ESPN's Ron Jaworski just apologized for saying "sh*t" live on the air during Monday Night Football. Which just goes to prove that 90% of sportscasters don't notice to all the dumb krap that comes outta there own mouths anyway.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 12:33 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bank of America puts the "fun" in overfunded bailout money receivers.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 12:22 by JBabcock Comments (0)  

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