MDS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Doctor: "In order to find out exactly what's wrong, you'll need to see the nurse and have a blood test." " Alright," I said, "How long will that take?" "About a week." he replied. "A week with your nurse sounds Ok" I said, "But how much damn
←Rate | 04-11-2013 08:20 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 95.
←Rate | 04-13-2013 14:47 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon *Breaking News: North Korea's scientists claim to have developed a time machine. Translation: They figured out how to make a clock.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 13:06 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon *REMEMBER ...Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.
←Rate | 04-14-2013 17:05 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon While looking down at my shorts, my wife said "well somebodies happy to see me" To which I replied "No its just a Samsung Galaxy MEGA in my pocket"
←Rate | 04-16-2013 17:53 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon 12 miles on the treadmill in 68 minutes! ..... tomorrow, I might actually get on it.
←Rate | 04-24-2013 18:02 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I find it weird that we still use animals for product testing when there are at least 37 million Bieber fans out there.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 07:35 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I'm older than the Internet.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 07:40 by MDS Comments (1)  

   messageicon My doctor said that jogging could add years to my life. I didn't believe him at first, but I went this afternoon and I feel ten years older already
←Rate | 04-26-2013 17:09 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife gets really annoyed when I make sexual requests. The other night, I asked her if we could try the 'praying mantis' position and she tore my head off
←Rate | 04-28-2013 11:39 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was eating lunch today at a local restaurant and saw a sign in their window saying "Waitress wanted". So, I called the police station and told them where she was.
←Rate | 05-06-2013 15:40 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently there was a big misunderstanding yesterday, between me and the cute little Japanese girl that was cutting my hair. as I explained to the officer, How was I suppose to know what she meant when she asked me if I'd like a "brow job".
←Rate | 05-22-2013 07:59 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was looking out the window when my wife asked what I was staring at. I mumbled, "Must be about 32C out there..." is that the temperature? she asked "No! the neighbor lady is sunbathing topless" I replied
←Rate | 07-18-2013 22:55 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon my wife got mad at me because I ate all six Klondike bars, but it's only obvious that she wasn't willing to do what it took to get one ;)
←Rate | 08-15-2013 21:44 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think my neighbors just cut down all their trees, just so they could get a better glimpse of me spying on them.
←Rate | 08-20-2013 17:58 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife and I was at Home Depot the other night when she informed me she'd like a golden shower... what happened next has me sleeping on the couch for a long time.
←Rate | 09-13-2013 15:13 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon The wife put dishwasher tablets on the shopping list. Damn, if I'd known that's what it took I'd bought her the pills sooner
←Rate | 09-27-2013 18:11 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think Walmart needs a new parking sign "Just Lazy"
←Rate | 10-13-2013 12:25 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1?" So I did. I don't remember much afterwards.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 12:30 by MDS Comments (0)  

   messageicon National no bra day wasn't as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
←Rate | 10-13-2013 19:39 by MDS Comments (0)  

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