HiYourJon Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'HiYourJon': View All Messages
Page: 2 of 11

   messageicon This salad bar sucks. I must've had like 10 shots of this “Italian Dressing” and I'm not the slightest bit drunk.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 14:55 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon This lady just said she's naming her baby Nevaeh b/c its Heaven spelled backwards. I said, just name her what she's going to end up being. Tulsa.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 11:18 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Allstate mayhem guy drunkenly stumbles into the Progressive headquarters, while screaming, “COME AT ME FLO!!”
←Rate | 06-14-2012 14:20 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Fathers Day I made breakfast in bed for my dad. It's extremely hard to cook food while in bed, and now his bed sheets are ruined.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 13:58 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..which is why I start my sentences in the middle. 
←Rate | 06-17-2012 23:00 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's cute how my bankruptcy attorney thinks I'm going to pay him!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 16:03 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job.
←Rate | 06-22-2012 16:03 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Siri's on her period. she needs an iPad
←Rate | 06-23-2012 13:27 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. I bet you 5,000$ it's on my friend Mike.
←Rate | 06-25-2012 14:51 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never share secrets with bank employees, they're all tellers. 
←Rate | 06-25-2012 15:05 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just dropped my iPhone in liquor, and now Siri is slurring her words, won't stop talking, stumbling and trying to have sex with me.
←Rate | 06-28-2012 15:23 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always drive the speed limit. But when I do, there's drugs in my car.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 12:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks ABC News, if it wasn't for your extensive news coverage, I wouldn't have known that it gets hot outside in the middle of July. 
←Rate | 07-08-2012 13:10 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl in Victoria Secret: Wow! These bras & panties are 20% off!! Me: I bet If you hangout with me they'll be 100% off.
←Rate | 07-15-2012 11:56 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last night I watched a TV show about burritos spinning in a circle for 2 hours before I realized I was really high & staring at my microwave
←Rate | 07-21-2012 11:48 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle me at my drunkest, you don't deserve me when I'm sober.
←Rate | 07-25-2012 10:24 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fastest way to fix that annoying noise in your car, is to just open the door..... And push her the f out.
←Rate | 08-21-2012 17:49 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice of the day: Don't go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it's not Halloween
←Rate | 09-15-2012 20:27 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always give 110% at everything I do. Mostly because I'm not very aware of how percentages work. Math is hard.
←Rate | 12-20-2012 13:46 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A massive meteor hit Russia injuring hundreds. Rihanna insists the meteor has changed & that everyone should give the meteor another chance.
←Rate | 02-16-2013 00:21 by HiYourJon Comments (0)  




[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left