Griff Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I am such a thoughtful Lad! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 05:48 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don't start calling me 'hero' but this lady collapsed at the grocery store and I was the first one to call for a clean up in Aisle 3.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 06:20 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend yelled at me yesterday, "That's why we always fight...because you only hear what you want to hear!" "Thank you," I replied, "I HAVE been working out."
←Rate | 01-11-2012 09:50 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Touch it gently, put 2 fingers inside, if it's wide use 3 fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep that's how you wash a cup.
←Rate | 01-17-2012 05:17 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 09:50 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon After years of being called 'behind the times', I've finally got a trendy haircut. Just check out my profile pic on MySpace, losers! (
←Rate | 01-25-2012 09:51 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 09:52 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who the hell is this Will Power guy everyone is talking about? Maybe I'll run into him at the bar after my A.A. meeting.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 09:54 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is my day off so I'll spend it worrying that I'm wasting my day off before I have to go back to work.
←Rate | 01-25-2012 10:00 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
←Rate | 07-29-2012 09:39 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon There must be a trick to fighting fire with fire because my kitchen just pretty much has twice as much fire now
←Rate | 07-29-2012 09:44 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I just get so frustrated by the rush-hour traffic that I slam my head on the steering wheel. That's usually followed by the bus driver telling me to get out.
←Rate | 07-29-2012 09:44 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman" or am I just grossly underestimating the number of necrophiliacs in the world?
←Rate | 07-29-2012 09:46 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Autocorrect has to be my worst enema.
←Rate | 12-11-2012 10:26 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 09:41 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does running out of money count as exercise?
←Rate | 06-29-2013 09:42 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 09:43 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
←Rate | 06-29-2013 09:46 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
←Rate | 06-29-2013 09:53 by griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
←Rate | 10-19-2013 09:47 by griff Comments (0)  




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