mike Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My crash diet just crashed face first into a bacon double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.
←Rate | 09-04-2013 15:13 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe Skelator sold out and is now doing commercials. Oh well, he's still a better pitchman than Michael Bolton.
←Rate | 11-30-2014 20:44 by Mike Comments (1)  

   messageicon the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 20:28 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, which Pope is your favorite going into the combine?
←Rate | 03-11-2013 19:52 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:48 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Officer; "Sir, would you mind taking an alcohol test?" Me; "I have been testing alcohol all day so I don't see how one more test could hurt."
←Rate | 01-26-2013 10:29 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon pretty sure it's what Jesus would have done...
←Rate | 08-19-2009 12:07 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 17:16 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs
←Rate | 05-21-2010 12:22 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am a good listener, just ask my TV.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 10:19 by Mike Comments (1)  

   messageicon Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?
←Rate | 11-02-2010 05:20 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 08:34 by mike Comments (1)  

   messageicon my opinion on forced birth control has changed after watching one episode of Honey Boo Boo.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 08:15 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Got my umbrella taken away at gunpoint.....damn Burlington mall
←Rate | 04-25-2011 20:25 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon 100% positive that he isn't sure!
←Rate | 09-08-2009 00:56 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!
←Rate | 11-05-2012 05:35 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon ready for them to release the photo of Bin Laden. He wants to print T-shirts and mugs that say "This is the face of terrorism."
←Rate | 05-03-2011 06:34 by Mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hope the MVP has his shots up to date. Disneyland is dangerous nowadays!
←Rate | 02-02-2015 05:43 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat
←Rate | 04-06-2010 00:08 by mike Comments (0)  

   messageicon I trained a raccoon to play dead in the front yard...Okay, I hit him with the truck but the end result is the same thing.
←Rate | 10-04-2013 23:04 by Mike Comments (0)  

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