jc Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My biggest pet peeve is that people expect me to remember their pet peeves. Please don't forget that!
←Rate | 11-27-2016 14:21 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man with Corona virus seeks woman with Lymes disease
←Rate | 02-20-2020 13:53 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to brag, but I'm pretty confident I could win a spelling be.
←Rate | 06-04-2011 07:22 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it astonishing I can remember every wordto Wild Wild West by Will Smith, which I haven't heard in 10 years, but can't find my keys
←Rate | 07-28-2011 23:15 by Jc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay Christmas, you're on the clock...
←Rate | 11-28-2014 01:53 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish Brett Favre would stop texting me photos of himself. The guy is getting out of control.
←Rate | 08-05-2010 13:59 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon The man in front of me is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life, he wishes she sent him for tampons
←Rate | 11-16-2010 17:24 by jc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Microsoft Word! I try and move an image 1mm to the left, but all text and images shift, fonts change, four more pages appear...in the distance, sirens.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 13:40 by jc Comments (0)  


   messageicon it bad that I just lit the cigarette of the pregnant woman I just bought a drink for?
←Rate | 01-05-2011 16:22 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, "Don't eat me." Now there's an empty plate and a note, Don't tell me what to do.
←Rate | 11-16-2010 17:23 by jc Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
←Rate | 09-07-2010 07:11 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon at Office Depot wearing a raincoat looking for a staple remover.
←Rate | 09-17-2010 16:41 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I heard that song where the dogs bark Jingle Bells. I must admit those are some pretty talented canines. I've been working on that song with my dog for two years straight and he still gets mixed up during the third verse. He's not the brightest.
←Rate | 12-04-2010 10:29 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I now pronounce you, "husband and what the hell did I just do..."
←Rate | 09-25-2013 17:19 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sign said "eight items or less". So I changed my name to Les.
←Rate | 09-07-2010 07:04 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tonight's Jets/Bills football uniforms resemble my Starbucks cup.
←Rate | 11-12-2015 21:02 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I wasn't paying attention at 1:11 on 1/1/11. Argh. I waited all my life for that to happen. Darn, darn, darn it. 2:22 on 2/2/22 just won't be the same.
←Rate | 01-01-2011 17:55 by JC Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm an optimist and Windows 8 will be my idea.
←Rate | 12-13-2010 09:58 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kid has A.D.D. and a couple of F's.
←Rate | 09-20-2010 11:16 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went grocery shopping this morning. I noticed that the bottle of household bleach I bought has a safety seal on its opening. Glad my floors or toilet won't be poisoned. Interestingly, however, my toothpaste does not have a safety seal. Thanks Uncle Sam!
←Rate | 02-09-2011 11:39 by JC Comments (0)  




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