Tim Funny Status Messages
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Remember: A butt dial and a booty call are two entirely different things.
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06-25-2013 21:13 by Tim
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Dear Curiosity: Just put the gun down and let's talk this out. Sincerely, The Cat.
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07-02-2013 18:48 by Tim
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microwaving metal objects.
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06-07-2009 17:43 by Tim
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• Do you know one good thing about Monday? ...I can't think of anything either. OK Monday, here I come.
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12-31-2009 00:33 by Tim
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Whenever I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and gently whisper "Who did this to you?"
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07-02-2013 18:31 by Tim
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The answer to the Westboro Baptist Church protests of military funerals is to aim the 21 gun salute at them.
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07-03-2013 15:31 by Tim
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Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest eat a banana.
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07-02-2013 18:24 by Tim
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thinks chihuahuas are really regular size dogs in tight skin. All that made it out was their eyes! That would explain why they're so angry.
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03-21-2010 23:41 by Tim
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liking ones own status is a sign of self esteem. (X likes this)
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12-05-2009 09:46 by Tim
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wonders if there are gay terrorists. "Hey, Mr. Embassy man... two snaps ka-boom!"
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02-28-2010 22:32 by Tim
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Fripple - adj. Cold enough to freeze nipples. (etymology: combination of the words frozen and nipple) Ex. It is fripple cold outside,
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01-07-2010 09:42 by Tim
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... so the failed bomb was sewn to the inside of his underpants? How does that impact his hope of 72 virgins? Just imagine his expression as they stomped out the fire. :O
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12-31-2009 00:28 by Tim
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My wifes new nickname is Karma
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04-16-2011 22:57 by Tim
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Did you see the new scratch off Lotto tickets at the Quikee mart? The jackpot is a Nobel peace prize!
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10-10-2009 01:10 by Tim
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so he thinks he can make the desicion to change our healthcare over night, comin from a guy who took three months to decide on the color of his new bed room, and 6 months on a dog....
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08-26-2009 11:56 by Tim
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| That whale grabbed the trainer by the ponytail and took her under. That is why that advice to, "remember when working with seafood, to always wear a hair net" is so important.
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02-27-2010 08:46 by Tim
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thinks that while many auto manufactures put the brakes on due to this global ressession, Toyota just kept on rollin'.
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03-15-2010 10:45 by Tim
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wants a Sunggie made out of ShamWow material
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07-07-2009 01:44 by Tim
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Some stuff gets better with age, other stuff feels the effects of gravity.
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02-07-2010 00:27 by Tim
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What is the job application at Hooters like? Do they give you a bra and say "Here. Fill this out."?
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07-01-2013 22:28 by Tim
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