Mick Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Pineapple on pizza is as appealing as pepperoni on pineapple upside-down cake.
←Rate | 05-07-2017 14:59 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today is Earth Day. The best way celebrate it just came to me. I'm going to go outside and stare at the ground for a while.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 10:40 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Yeah, yeah the Greeks "invented" sex. But we Italians introduced it to women.
←Rate | 06-15-2011 05:08 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Poor Hillary can't get a break. She was at a Chinese restaurant, and when she cracked open the fortune cookie, a ballot with Trump's name was in it.
←Rate | 09-26-2017 21:37 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.
←Rate | 03-07-2017 16:59 by Mick Comments (1)  

   messageicon The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.
←Rate | 03-28-2017 21:26 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon My uncle is the town drunk. Unfortunately, the town is Chicago.
←Rate | 07-30-2017 13:45 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Daylight Saving(s) Time.Sheesh. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it eight months.
←Rate | 03-13-2017 09:04 by Mick Comments (1)  

   messageicon Fyre Festival Attendee: "I'll have a cheese sandwich." Fyre Festival Host: "Here you go, that'll be $1200.00." FF Attendee: "Hey, still cheaper than a sandwich at the airport."
←Rate | 04-29-2017 12:47 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon When we're chatting on fb, and I start saying things like, "well, okay", "gotta run", "have a great day", it was great talking to you"...what that means is: SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!
←Rate | 03-10-2014 10:11 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I paid $12.50 for movie tickets. Forget that the people are noisy, the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and the movie itself stinks....I wanna know why there was no cartoon.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 11:27 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her?
←Rate | 06-22-2011 07:18 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm typing this status from my car. Now don't go flipping out, I’m in the passenger seat. It kinda makes it a little harder to drive, yet it fools the cops, so hey...
←Rate | 02-17-2014 07:47 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon Earth is a beautiful planet. However, it's the disproportionate number of its horrible 7.5 billion inhabitants that were responsible for it receiving only 1 star on Intergalactic Yelp.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 14:57 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I hate those jerks who claim, "If you don't vote, don't complain". That's like going to a restaurant, and the only two items on the menu are s**t and vomit, yet it's my fault the place failed because I didn't order either one.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 23:52 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been embarrassed by my weight since, I dunno...it was first listed on my birth certificate.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 11:14 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon The people of Puerto Rico have unfortunately discovered just how much power mother nature has. Yet, there will be those arrogant humans who'll continue to think that we're solely responsible for climate change.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 10:59 by Mick Comments (3)  

   messageicon I miss the 80's. The temperatures, not the decade.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 18:30 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon A Baby Whirlpool Bathtub "With a calming whirlpool and massaging bubbles, your infant will enjoy a luxurious spa experience at home!" (Hey, you never know when a 5 month old may need to unwind.)
←Rate | 04-03-2017 11:43 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon "A Day Without A Woman" result: 90 % of all men reported fewer headaches.
←Rate | 03-08-2017 21:10 by Mick Comments (0)  

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