Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’m all out of snacks. What else do people do for fun? 🤔
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doctor Doggo: “Hmmm…. I see. Have you tried barking at nothing? That might help.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you are going to keep trusting the system until your pronouns are was/were. 🙁
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most folks keep their trap shut when they’ve nothing interesting to say. Not you, your flipper flaps like the national deficit.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It might be called social media, but all I do is share photos and ignore people.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friendly reminder to put all current boyfriends and girlfriends at the edge of family photos so that they and easily be cropped out later.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Therapist: “What brings you in today?” Me: Every time my husband puts the dishes away, he puts them in a different location. Therapist: “I’ll cancel all my appointments.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone I know is a “snack getting stuck in a vending machine” away from total collapse.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s called gross pay, because it’s disgusting to see what you could’ve made.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Once you carry your own water, you’ll learn the value of every single drop.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 19:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Twitter files released. MSM: “What files? ~ Space Man Bad”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Quiz question: Would you rather be stuck on an island all alone or with someone you hate, and why? Answer: I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate, so I would have something to eat.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anti-social behavior is a sign of intelligence in a world full of conformists.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My emotional support dog after spending a day with me. Dog: Drinks a 5th of vodka and chain-smokes non-filter cigarettes.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a man says he’ll do anything for a woman, he means fight bad guys and slay dragons, not dishes and vacuuming.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Research has shown that laughing for two minutes is just as healthy as a twenty-minute jog. Now I’m sitting at the park, laughing at all the joggers.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a new book: “How to pretend to be normal.”
←Rate | 01-08-2023 17:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using your turn signal is not “giving information to the enemy.”
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wish for 2023 is that nothing unprecedented, historic, or once in a lifetime happens.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 00:29 Comments (0)  




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