Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My favorite queso is the one you keep around for emergencies, just in queso.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have now started asking humans to prove they are not a robot.
←Rate | 05-18-2022 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part of winter is when it’s over.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fitness trainer asked what kind of squats I’m accustomed to doing. I said, Diddly.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Humans: Dear God, please let 2023 be a good one…. God: You guys are still alive?
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should’ve tried domesticating bears 10,000 years ago. We really missed the mark with that one. Could be cuddled up with a bear right about now, but whatever.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is permanent in this world, not even our troubles.
←Rate | 01-09-2023 03:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like staying home, because as soon as I step outside, I spend $100.00
←Rate | 01-08-2023 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can put whatever you want on a “to do” list, there are no rules. I put wake up and drink coffee on mine. Already knocked two things off my list and it’s not even lunch time yet. God, I’m good.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.
←Rate | 01-06-2023 17:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon An empty browser history says more than a full one.
←Rate | 06-03-2022 02:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
←Rate | 01-04-2023 02:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you tear out a man’s tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you’re telling the world you fear what he might say.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 14:50 Comments (0)  




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