Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The CDC says you should start using your turn signals.
←Rate | 05-17-2021 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize half way through that you’re going to need crayons to explain it to them?
←Rate | 04-22-2021 09:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So how long before GoFundMe is our nation's leading health care provider?
←Rate | 07-11-2018 08:13 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I drive more safely when there's food in the passenger seat than when there's a person sitting there...
←Rate | 06-05-2020 08:17 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My body is the result of thousands of pull ups. Pull up to the donut shop Pull up to the drive thru window Pull up results for “nearest pizza buffet”
←Rate | 06-01-2020 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Married with Children was much funnier on TV.
←Rate | 03-11-2021 14:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater Tip: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
←Rate | 01-24-2019 08:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am not usually one to brag, but I was able to get my daily recommended calorie intake for weight loss down in just one sitting!
←Rate | 04-25-2017 15:38 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thinking of putting a Coronavirus Quarantine sign on my door to discourage solicitors.
←Rate | 03-03-2020 18:06 by Stinkerbelle Comments (0)  


   messageicon SCIENCE FACT: All the lost hours from Daylight Savings get added to Betty White’s lifespan.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .
←Rate | 04-18-2021 20:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are gonna have to retire the phrase “avoid it like the plague” because it turns out people don’t do that.
←Rate | 08-27-2020 09:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
←Rate | 09-26-2019 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
←Rate | 10-13-2019 17:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We Just bought 12 pounds of cheese. Won’t need toilet paper now.
←Rate | 03-28-2020 12:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.
←Rate | 04-10-2020 14:38 by MDS Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son screamed like a little girl when he saw a spider so no paternity test was needed.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 05:19 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The NFL has determined that we will follow the 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi,..... rule before allowing defenders to tackle quarterbacks.
←Rate | 09-24-2018 00:05 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist told me to write letter to the people I hate and then burn them. OK. I did that, now what do I do with all these letters?
←Rate | 10-07-2018 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've heard a lot about Karen lately but what about Felicia. Did she finally leave?
←Rate | 07-30-2020 11:10 Comments (0)  




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