g0re Funny Status Messages

   These ‘energy saving' light-bulbs are rubbish. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.

   No one can change a person, but someone can be a persons reason to change. - Spongebob.

   Best way to handle insults? Accept them! ex: "You're so ugly!" "Tell me about it." or "You're an idiot!" "Yeah, it's a problem..".

   Midnight bathroom trip...eyes forward, avoid mirrors, happy thoughts.

   So I've been chatting with this 13 year old girl online. Shes funny, flirty and sexy. Now she tells me shes an undercover cop, how cool is that for someone her age?

   I bet you're naked under those clothes... You slut

   Whoever said that nothing rhymes with orange clearly doesn't know the correct pronunciation of 'nothing,'

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   Kids in math problems have way too much time on their hands. Like seriously Avi? You're going to calculate the angle at which you need to ride your bike to get to Market Street? Get a girlfriend or something.

   Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a convicted pedophile. Not me though, I live next to two stunning 12 year olds.

   Two men walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O too." Then he dies

   It would be funny to make your facebook status "OMG IT ACTUALLY WORKS" and then 5 minutes later make another facebook status that says "Well, I'm gonna test out this time machine",

   The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"

   If there was ever a Titanic themed party and you couldn't figure out what to go as, you could always go as an iceberg and crash the party.

   the people who you babysit for, you should poke holes in all the condoms and ensure yourself at least five more years of babysitting money.

   If you think about it, most of your friendships stay in the "humor zone", where silences are awkward and must be resolved with laughs. Deep friendships allow you to be yourself instead of just a comedian.

   Life is just a long, sick game of "Would you rather."

   It's kind of disappointing when you're reading someone's bio on any site and are somewhat interested, but then you reach the end and it says you don't like me, then PISS OFF!!!" Well, that was rude

   Sluts are like Gary; they only like you for the cookie in your pants.

   Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this b!tch, eating those crackers like she owns the place!"