SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.

   I thank, therefore you're welcome.

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?

   If you want to find a missing person, put their pictures on cigarettes. Smokers are the only ones standing outside in all kinds of weather.

   Day five of the Insanity Workout. Ten minutes of talking to a mailbox... Followed by an hour at McDonald's with a sword.

   Quick question: If you're in a car with someone who talks a mile a minute, will going 60mph in reverse shut them up?

   A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering all over the place.

   As long as men have the ability to lie, I will never understand roofies.

   Realistically most adults only need to know enough math to cheat the government once a year.

   Can somebody please tell these politicians that say "government doesn't create jobs" that they work for the government.

   Kissing a girl on her forehead is care, on her cheek is respect, on her lips is love, but kissing her in front of her boyfriend is GUTS

   Weekend's coming up. What do you say we surf the real world?

   I don't mind when older folks decide to relax and slow down. I just wish they wouldn't do it in their cars.

   Remember that there's always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.

   This is how you know you're at a TX auction: you're in a barn, there's no air-conditioning and there's free booze.

   There's a reminder on my calendar for tomorrow that inexplicably just says "LEOPARD". This has been bothering me all month.

   It's normal to have a breakfast chat alone in your kitchen with the ghost of Nell Carter, right?

   I'm now willing to admit that we're stuck with polka dots. They're not f***ing going anywhere.

   I'm on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.

   Would You Like a Table?” … “No not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please.”