Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The only time to use the self check out lane at the store, is when you're buying tampons, or Wesley Snipes DVDs.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a mini anxiety attack wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why she drank all that bleach.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I'm old & my friends start dying off, I'll probably go the funerals, stand over the caskets, & whisper "I won."
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just for fun, I like to take my 5yo to the Walmart pet aisle, and watch people's reactions when I make her try on dog collars..
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got fired from my job at Walmart, because every time a woman bought batteries, I winked and told them "I know what these are for!" Whatever.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 08:34 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just came from the doctor. Got high score on the blood pressure machine. Doctor wouldn't high five me. Jerk.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 11:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't assume I have a bad memory if I don't remember what you tell me. More than likely its becasue I don't like you enough to pay attention.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 11:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife just accused me of being big-headed and thinking I was better than I was. I nearly fell off my throne.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 11:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to carry on a cellphone conversation in the men's room you can count on me to make HORRIBLE noises and flush every two seconds.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 11:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a new #Aerosmith album coming out, so call your grandma she'll be excited.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 11:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went horseback riding today..Wind blowing my hair, it was a pretty good ride!! Until I ran out of quarters n the Walmart greeter kicked me out
←Rate | 03-31-2012 10:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When talking with a woman in her 30s, it's super important to always pretend to be shocked when she tells you she's in her 30s.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 16:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do women know how much energy we expend pretending we don't know why they're mad?
←Rate | 04-04-2012 11:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Ok just so I'm clear on this - this dog can bark for 11 hrs straight & only poops in other people's yards? I'll take it!" - my neighbor
←Rate | 04-04-2012 11:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon For those of you concerned about my upcoming birthday and struggling for ideas as to what to get me this year, I have registered for gifts at the liquor store…
←Rate | 04-04-2012 16:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I've given up" like a fat person with a stomach tattoo.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actions don't speak louder than my grandmother asking me about my hemorrhoids in a crowded elevator.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't be so sensitive. When I said, "You're lucky, I could never pull off such a ridiculous outfit!" I meant it as a compliment.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 08:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never approached even 10% of Aerosmith's level of excitement that a dude looks like a lady.
←Rate | 04-19-2012 08:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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