Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When the wife and kids go on vacation, I always keep the neighbors on edge by placing rectangular mounds of dirt throughout the yard.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact: If you wear a shirt and tie into WalMart, people will ask for your autograph because they think you're the President.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling "shotgun" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car after the cops arrest you.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most of us will spend part of our life having Larry King for a stepfather.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyday, I brush my teeth & say "That's it. You can't squeeze anymore toothpaste out of this tube." Then everyday, I do.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:25 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a spider in my bathtub so my wife got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon 7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 17:21 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 17:23 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon Rush Limbaugh is like Frosty The Snowman if someone put the magical hat on a pile of poop.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 17:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think I've got Bieber Fever. Wait, wait, no, it's Ebola. What a relief!
←Rate | 03-08-2012 14:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Newt Gingrich wins Georgia. To be fair, it was a pie-eating contest.
←Rate | 03-08-2012 14:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Helping my oldest with History homework is a blast.....Underground railroad??? honey we call that a "Subway"
←Rate | 03-08-2012 14:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know you're allergic to cats if you've never even tasted one?
←Rate | 03-13-2012 10:45 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fat people just want to get into your pantries.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 10:48 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please touch this. ~MC Hammer, 2012
←Rate | 03-13-2012 10:52 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes
←Rate | 03-13-2012 11:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can honestly say that I have never fake laughed as hard as any member of the America's Funniest Home Videos audience.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 17:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it would be cool to actually see a great white shark before I die, just not RIGHT before.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 17:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mom: clean up ur room! We're having guests over for dinner Me: sorry, I didn't realize we were having dinner in my room.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 17:41 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon How in the world did Bill & Hillary Clinton avoid the celebrity nickname HillBilly? WE DROPPED THE BALL AMERICA.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 17:44 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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