g0re Funny Status Messages

   You know it's a bad break-up when your ex-girlfriend is posting Taylor Swift lyrics as her facebook status.

   Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.

   Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you're not a loser and are worth a little more than crap.

   Realizing that you aren't that smart after all is a sign of maturity.

   Telling a child to sit in the corner and think about what they've done is not a punishment: all it does is give the child time to come up with a better plan for next time.

   Don't you hate it when you get texts from people like "ok" or "ya" and you don't know what to say so you just don't text back.

   Some people look at a mousetrap and just see a trap for a mouse. Some of us look and see free cheese and a challenge.

   It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography,

   Even though they have no use for them, guys would look kinda weird without nipples.

   A good drinking game; watch Wheel of Fortune and do a shot for every time they applause.

   If M&M's came in white wrappers, there would be too many punchlines to the beginning of this sentence.

   Friends are like bananas. If you peel back their skin, and eat them, they wil die.

   Cell phones ruined the era of throwing people into pools.

   I've seen 4 people go from "in a relationship" to "single" today...yep, it's definitely no shave November.

   I never let my children watch band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.

   In Toy Story 3, if Andy was 17, that means that the toys stood there in silence while andy furiously masturbated.

   They should really make stomach medicines taste better, cause the last thing I want to swallow when I'm sick is something chalky and ass flavored.

   You'd think that after a while, Scooby and Shaggy would stop being such pu$sies when they see a ghost or something. They should know it's just someone in a costume.

   Sometimes girls try too hard for boys that dont even care....its kinda sad...girls nowadays are losing their self-respect...

   Youtube needs to fix the comment section so you don't need to search through 10 pages to find the start of an argument.