Fazzy Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon All of us are tools to some degree. It's just that some are jackhammers and some are 1/4" nut drivers.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 09:20 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Coronavirus has me upset to the point where I've lost weight... 20 lbs total! I have no appetite whatsoever so this thing needs to go away. But not just yet. I want to lose another 30.
←Rate | 03-30-2020 21:35 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It is said that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What about the other eye?
←Rate | 03-26-2021 10:56 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think that a mustache is what made Mr. Potato Head gender specific, you've never met my cousin Vincenza.
←Rate | 02-26-2021 08:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me to my Doctor: Hey, Doc. Every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye. Doctor: Do you remember to take the spoon out of the cup?
←Rate | 10-15-2020 08:47 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon New Year, New Me Yeah, Right Moment: I thought I'd start wearing glasses to appear somewhat intellectual. No one's buying it though. They all say the same thing, "Uh sir, there's no glass in those frames."
←Rate | 01-01-2020 13:04 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon NEWS FLASH! I was hired to proof read the original 10 Commandments. Well let me tell you that I found a big mistake with #7. It should have read: Thou shalt not omit adultery.
←Rate | 01-15-2020 03:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, people often said that I was the "little engine that could." Turns out that I'm the "big old caboose that couldn't."
←Rate | 09-26-2020 16:19 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon You used to be able to somewhat cross the line. Nowadays, you can't come anywhere near the line. You used to be able to somewhat push the envelope. Nowadays you'd better pull back the envelope.
←Rate | 04-04-2021 16:12 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon It doesn't matter who wins the Presidency. The entire world's zeitgeist (the spirit of the age) is going through a tumultuous change, and no man or group possesses the power to affect it.
←Rate | 10-02-2020 05:59 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon This isolation was getting to me, so yesterday I decided to go jogging. Big mistake. My thighs kept rubbing together and my legs caught on fire.
←Rate | 03-25-2020 07:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon My neighbor's daughter came up to me and asked, "Do you know you have a skeleton inside you?" I said, "Yes, Rebecca. I do!" She goes, "Is he mean?"
←Rate | 06-29-2020 11:10 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm going to my girlfriend's house to make mad, passionate love to her. Then have her fix us something to eat. That's what's meant by bed and breakfast, right?
←Rate | 12-05-2020 07:21 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Live life on your own terms. I certainly do. The terms were 0% down and a dollar a month in perpetuity. I'm only hoping I have some perp left in my tuity.
←Rate | 07-15-2020 12:44 by Fazzy Comments (1)  

   messageicon I went to the book store and asked for some new book I had heard about on improving one's sex life. The clerk said, "I'm not sure it's in yet." I go, "Yes, that's the one!"
←Rate | 04-19-2021 19:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm donating my body to science... fiction.
←Rate | 04-30-2021 21:15 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bike Week is here at Daytona Beach. It's noisy and crazy! Speaking of noisy and crazy, next week is Tyke Week. It's a bunch of 5 year olds on Big Wheels driving on A1A hounding their moms for grilled cheese and putt putt golf.
←Rate | 03-11-2021 15:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I've been at a hotel in Tampa for a few days. I like playing tricks on the maid. You know that paper band that comes wrapped around the toilet seat? Before I leave, I put it back on. Yesterday, she left me a bowl o
←Rate | 09-01-2020 11:11 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The price of great success is the greater fear of losing it all in the end.
←Rate | 05-16-2021 14:06 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some guy: "Bro, I got a limo for me and my friends! In your face!" Me: "Wow. You have 90 dollars."
←Rate | 03-08-2020 13:52 by Fazzy Comments (0)  

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