Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 13:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bikinis expose 90% of a woman's body, but men are so decent and well-behaved that they only look at the 10% that is covered.
←Rate | 05-09-2012 12:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon RANDOM FACT: Rihanna's face is 70% forehead.
←Rate | 02-18-2012 12:10 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon MOM: “Why is there a condom in your purse?!” DAUGHTER: “I dunno. Would you be happier if you found a baby in my purse instead?”
←Rate | 08-01-2011 04:43 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Menstruation Day 1. Don't touch me Day 2. Hug me Day 3. Don't talk to me Day 4. Why don't you speak to me? Day 5. You never understand me
←Rate | 04-12-2013 05:26 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about the damn Kardashians.
←Rate | 04-08-2013 00:56 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 13:46 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Irony of a woman – she spends hours putting on makeup, exotic perfume, expensive jewellery and outfit but when people finally look at her the first thing they say, "Wow nice a$$"
←Rate | 10-18-2011 13:41 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was talking to this girl at the bar last night and she said, ''If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and a haircut, you'd look civilized and I would talk to you''. And I said, ''If I did all that then I would be talking to your hotter friend”
←Rate | 05-06-2012 04:25 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
←Rate | 05-02-2011 14:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every day is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that they chose Tobey Maguire to play Spiderman.
←Rate | 10-06-2012 11:19 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ran into a PETA nut while walking my dogs. He said my dogs were my slaves. Wonder if he noticed I'm the one carrying their poop in a bag?
←Rate | 09-26-2012 14:10 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Condoms should change to different colors according to whatever disease they come in contact with.
←Rate | 09-23-2011 15:57 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Love is a sacred thing meant just for two. But there's always that one slut who doesn't know how to count.
←Rate | 05-10-2011 04:20 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 13:57 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon If video games make you violent, does monopoly make you a millionaire?
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:06 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
←Rate | 04-15-2013 08:12 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely
←Rate | 10-06-2012 13:58 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?
←Rate | 10-21-2011 01:49 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting sex.
←Rate | 09-12-2012 12:20 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

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