Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Becareful, the only reason some people decide to get married is just so they can start blaming someone else for their disaster of self.

   It's time to go to bed when there is no more beer!!! I think Ben Franklin said this

   For a long term relationship to work the amount of times she's a pain in the ass has to equal the amount of times he causes pain in her ass.

   I am like an unborn child, sometimes all I need is a push

   Pat Riley is so good, he could convince Kobe to pass the ball .

   Quote from the movie Project X..."That guys so old he probably graduated in 1986"..ouch .I'm frickin Dinosaur...  

   unibrows...look like birds in flight when in a 'Surprised' mode

   just because I peed my pants doesnt mean I was scared...it just means I sneezed real hard just before you 'tried' to scare me

   Drinking promotes freedom of speech. Call me tonight and I'll tell what I really think of you!

   everyone has that 1 friend that is totally clueless

   I'm bout to go to this club and drink responsibly. You know what that means right? Someone else will be responsible for the bill.

   Web site security. I change my passwords regularly right after I forget them.

   Mediocre people do mediocre things.

   The best feeling in the world: When your teacher/lecturer announces that he won't be coming to school tomorrow.

   A sure way to be disappointed is to trust easily without verifying.

   NEWS FLASH! I was hired to proof read the original 10 Commandments. Well let me tell you that I found a big mistake with #7. It should have read: Thou shalt not omit adultery.

   Google "African awareness dance for corona" and don't spread rumors.

   not even a virus outbreak can help yall come up with good stuff

   Hear me out, a leaf blower, but for people.

   If it has yellow and black stripes, I run the other way, fast!