Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Covid-19 is the viral equivalent of a hangnail. If you believe this thing is anything more than that, you're an imbeciIe.

   Also, psychotic people wear red hats while participating in the January 6th insurrection.

   The only running I do is to the microwave to catch the beep before the dog hears it go off

   The Rudy Giuliani Song: If you like subpoena coladas, and getting caught in Ukraine....

   Boss spelled backwards is double SOB.

   You people really do need a sense of humor... many of your votes are wrong!!!

   Take note... the people who unabashedly support Drumpf can't spell, can't form a coherent sentence and have no idea how to interpret facts and statistics.

   How did I miss national procrastination day on March 25th? oh wait I know, I haven't been on facebook.

   If we could harness the fake enthusiasm put towards wishing people a happy birthday on Facebook, we could power half the planet.

   When I was a kid, people often said that I was the "little engine that could." Turns out that I'm the "big old caboose that couldn't."

   Awwe darn it ...... I thought the election was today!

   If you paid to watch the Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar WWE fight ... GET A REFUND !

   I must be emotionally impotent, I haven't given a f**k in months

   So where did all those sapiosexuals disappear to ? Or was it a phase ?

   Apparently my snoring is louder than my cars sound system .

   I'm going to an all white New Year's Eve party and I have nothing to wear

   The opossum, skunk, squirrel and groundhog saw their shadows today, but didn't see the .🚚 that smashed them on the highway

   I come from a long line of men who will happily answer to a name that is not their own, which may or may not sound vaguely similar to it.

   I know I would be an awesome Olympics commentator because I'm good at pointing and saying, "You can tell she wants it bad."

   If you're a man and you post pics of nothing but cute little kittens on your Facebook timeline, effective immediately according to section 19 article 3 'YOU MUST turn in your MAN card!'.