Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Family barbecues are great and all, but apparently Home Depot has a policy against them now. 
Preventing wars while protecting a nation's interests is hard. Starting them while serving only your own interests is easy.
Holy crap! With all these famous people getting the skeletons pulled out of their closets, I'm starting to feel like a saint.
when we see the rainbow in the sky is it because this is the time for gay people to celebrate their queerness
brought to you in full digital and is giving out coupons for your box.
doing the Helen Keller and talking with her hips.
Fox News: A channel solely dedicated to political humor by taking everything that is right with the world, twisting it so it's so wrong that it's funny, then claiming that it's news. The only bad thing about this channel is its lack of a laugh track.
The best part of wakin up!!!!,,, issss marijuana in your lungs!!!!!
bald, fat, Chinese, rich. Wanna goto the movie sometime?
How did they know kurt cobain had dandruff... they found his head and shoulders on the floor;)
My generation had Wonder Woman. Your generation has to Wonder if it's a Woman.
how Stella got her groove back
When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones
Former President Bush suggested invading the "Gulf of Mexico" to control the BP oil spill. He also proposed forming a mercenary force made up of BP executives and oil rig operators called "The Coalition of the Spillin'
At my funeral, I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my casket and say "We're gonna miss ya boss" so my family thinks I had something going on.
Number of times Trump has been under Federal investigation: 169, Hillary - 1. Seems like an easy choice to me...
The more I learn about people, the more I realize why Noah only let animals aboard the ark.
Whenever I'm in a restaurant and the waitperson says they are short-staffed I tell them "Well then you need to hire taller staff."
Cocaine worth estimated R10 000 000( $1000 000) was confisticated inside Obama's luggage, in his defense, Obama said people must keep their NOSE out of his business
Thinking God's has a great personality, Both my wife and girlfriend are on the rag at the same time. 