Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   MY BROTHER HAS BEEN STUDYING the CIVIL WAR....he went Gettysburg to walk the actual scenes of the battlefield....but the gate was LOCKED.....unfortunately the history of our nation's fallen heroes is not priority for some leaders.. ..MANY believe it is mo

   AD/HD HGHWAY TO ....hey look , a squirrel

   Join the rev al sharpton and boycott Barney's

   I gave her the ring but she gave me the finger.

   how do you even tell your girlfriend you want armpit sex? “babe, there’s this thing, wait, hold on your arm, stop asking what I’m doing”

   What does JK Rowling text her friends to let them know that she was just kidding?

   When an ignorant person feels that he won an argument he loses. When he loses an argument, he actually wins knowledge.

   hey people who pull the finger in pics; what;s wrong? Did the camera lens bully you?

   My favorite part of a date is when he walks her to the door and kisses her goodnight and I cry in my car watching

   Washington can just change their mascot to a potato. Problem solved.

   I got caught taking a piss in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

   Xbox games should come with the warning "Caution! This game could cause temporary Tourette's Syndrome"

   i like my coffee with half and half... half cream and sugar and half coffee

   can't seem to find East Virgina on any of the maps he is looking at

   Requesting the Mariachi to play "La Cucaracha" at a Mexican Restaurant is not a good idea but I'll do it cause I'm gangsta.

   I have enjoyed my Childhood so much that I am looking forward to my adultery.

   This is my last cookie......-eats it then gets a few more-

   I met a girl today in class, she told me to call her. So I found her on fbook and messaged her instead. Swag.

   My mother always told me that a good man is hard to find. By that logic Bin Laden is the finest man to have ever lived.

   You never know how strong you really are until you quit bathing.