Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What does Spurs, Arsenal and Paul McCartney have in common? They all get excited over one leg.

   best kind of woman to have is someone eleses.

   I'm thinking of writing a book. "confessions of a sexed up badger". Fictional erotica about a badger losing his virginity to young girl.....

   anyone else having technical problems on Facebook? Just checking before I call 911...

   Not sure what this might mean, but you can re-arrange the letters in Happy New Year to spell Wary Ye Happen.

   Guys who say, "We're only dating her and not yet married so why should I pay her bills" need to be reminded that sex is a 'marriage privilege'

   Midnight mass? I'll pass thanks. More Porto please...

   getting rid of his "facebook wall" for the new "facebook window". Instead of writing comments on my wall, now all you ladies can "put em' on the glass".

   stole this status from a homeless guy, why he had a status that says this, I'll never know!

   so... when does everybody think the sun will blow up?

   What's the right age to tell a highway he was adopted? Wont be long til he realizes he doesn't look anything like me

   Has anyone out there ever tried Auto Erotic Asphyxiation? I haven't...just curios if anyone else has....

   C.R.O.W.S = Can't Remember Our Winning Song

   Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

   Recent studies show that┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─ can be very effective in dealing with cases of chronic boredom. Use with caution - too much may lead to an addiction.

   Victoria Secrets catalog just arrived, my wife has informed me that none of the women are real, just cgi and photoshop....sigh!

   just got the call that I'm going to be on national TV tomorrow night (Saturday). I haven't said anything about it because I didn't know when it was going to be on. Make sure you look for me at 8pm on Fox

   A baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain't like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain't spitting it out.

   ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ

   Roses are red. Bullets have lead. Take me back. Or get shot in the head.