Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Ladies: If your boyfriend is bathing more than once a week...he may be cheating on you! 
Michael Vick is gonna DAWG the Redskins.
watching football its like watching monkeys chasing a banana
Labor Day started so we all could get unbeatable prices on mattresses.
My dog just looked at me and sighed. He has to stop hanging out with my wife.
First of all DO NOT address me as “Honey” if you’re coming to tell me you just SHRUNK the damn KIDS.
You piss on someone’s couch one time, and they never let you forget
MY WIFE DIVORCED ME BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T BELIEVE MY TESLA AUTODRIVES ME TO THE GAY BAR AND THEN TURNS ITSELF OFF, CAUSING ME TO HAVE TO SPEND 4 HOURS IN THERE ASKING FOR A RIDE HOME
I don't care what we have for Christmas dinner as long as it's lasagna.
first he Cheats on his wife than he cheats in Golf!!!! Dam You tiger Woods!! lolol
Nerdy pickup lines: You have an appendix. I like that in a woman.
Nerdy pickup lines: You have an appendix. I like that in a woman.
Corrections its Every time I leave the house: ✔Phone ✔Wallet ✔Keys ✔extra phone battery and ✔Battery Charger
W hite people will do any stupid thing they are told to do over the intercom at a sporting event.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
With dolly partons new face ,,she is now ready to play the Joker ,,,for the next Bat man movie The joker gone wild..!!
Happy Sorta Sucks to be the Savior Day...Because it is a farcry of a Good Friday fro him.
( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) ( -_-) (O.O) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) (-_- ) Opening a pack of gum at school.
They need a Show called Bait Coochie.. Have a Chick laying there Butt-Naked and see if N1ggas walk up & try to stick it in!
If you can spell Mississippi, you probably live in Mississippi. 