Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It would have been symbolically more accurate if the Vikings still played in the metrodome considering they both collapsed under pressure........

   If I become President, I'm going to change the name of the Rocky Mountains to the Smokey Mountains since weed is legal over there.

   human skull found by Hollywood sign that of a female.... Mouth wide open.

   Went to the Cincinnati Zoo the other day and have to say the baby sitting service was lousy. Well I guess if you pay peanuts you get monkeys.

   Relationship status: "Yeah, we can totally go out, but first, I need you to take this short spelling test."

   Shaggy is playing in the world cup for Brazil as Fred.

   Why do some women wear panties with flowers on them?....."IN loving memorie of all those who died here?"

   It's my pain and I'll cry if I want to!

   Look officer, I'm a woman I answer to no one.

   Making bad decisions can be your thing too It's not limited to idiots only

   i wonder why all 3 insurance companies don't combine & call themselves "Alstate Farm Bureau"

   My New Year's resolution is to procrastinate about the same.

   Generic Raisin Bran makers should really consider changing its name to just Bran.

   a folder named SPAM... ironically none of the mails reference meat but most of them talk about wieners!

   Drink the Kool-Aid, everything will be OK...

   Going in Build-A-Bear shirtless wasn't creepy until I started holding up unstuffed animals asking the cashier which ones match my eyes

   Someday I wish I could have been on the maylasia plane.

   I beat the crap out of the paparazzi who took a selfie pic of me.

   Just watched a new documentary on Discovery. Now I fell bad for the so-so white shark.

   Do kids today even realize what great Buubs the Activia lady used to have?