Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Please put this on your status if you know someone, are related to, and/or adore someone who has ADD or ADHD. 93% of peo oh snap is that a dog outside?

   some people take so much s hit from me and are still in love with me. it's great!

   All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of Lay's potato chips.

   Women will stop crying if you start licking the tears off their cheeks and tell them how delicious their life force is. I think.

   Being a housewife is hard work! Some nights I only get 10 hours of sleep.

   If you pass after drinking Wild Turkey, just blame it on tryptophan.

   Agrees that "You can If you "turn it on" your monkey ass better "turn it off". If you "drop it" your clumsy ass better "pick it up". If you "broke it" your stupid ass better "fix it". If you "lost it" your forgetful ass better "find it"

   OK I Just Don't Get The Firefly Song ...You would not believe your eyes-If ten million fireflies-Lit up the world as I fell asleep-'Cause they'd fill the open air-And leave teardrops everywhere-You'd think me rude-But I would just stand and stare

   you're oddly sophisticated in a paradoxal mannor leaving me in this difficult conundrum. it puzzles me beyond recovery. I spend weeks crying because I cannot liberate myself from this bewildered state. I even began to think that my dog was a large gerbil.

   eat, drink and make merry coz tomorrow we may diet.

   Wats procrastination?. .well I will tell you tomorrow..

   Truly loveing another means letting Go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, eather good or bad

   my wife hates fish especially the smell, so I took it upon myself to fry up 3 lbs of salmon 30 minutes before she comes home...

   Before starting any new chapter to study...i always count da number of pages!!

   I like the facebook wall. It's urine free...

   the doctor x-rayed my head an found nothng...

   stopped by the cash machine today, printed out my balance statement, and it read "B**CH, YOU JUST GOT PAAAAID!!!" wohooooo! I ♥ YOU PAYDAY

   You and I wake up in jail together. Using only FOUR words, what would you say to me? Leave me a comment.... Then copy and paste this in your status and see what funny things your friends say....(if you make a comment you have to put this in your status)

   I just got an inappropriate text message from Bret Favre.

   I went to the bar last night and I hit on the fattest most ugly chick, and I got rejected. I finally accomplished my goal in life.