Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   OK I Just Don't Get The Firefly Song ...You would not believe your eyes-If ten million fireflies-Lit up the world as I fell asleep-'Cause they'd fill the open air-And leave teardrops everywhere-You'd think me rude-But I would just stand and stare

   you're oddly sophisticated in a paradoxal mannor leaving me in this difficult conundrum. it puzzles me beyond recovery. I spend weeks crying because I cannot liberate myself from this bewildered state. I even began to think that my dog was a large gerbil.

   eat, drink and make merry coz tomorrow we may diet.

   Wats procrastination?. .well I will tell you tomorrow..

   Truly loveing another means letting Go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, eather good or bad

   my wife hates fish especially the smell, so I took it upon myself to fry up 3 lbs of salmon 30 minutes before she comes home...

   Before starting any new chapter to study...i always count da number of pages!!

   I like the facebook wall. It's urine free...

   the doctor x-rayed my head an found nothng...

   stopped by the cash machine today, printed out my balance statement, and it read "B**CH, YOU JUST GOT PAAAAID!!!" wohooooo! I ♥ YOU PAYDAY

   You and I wake up in jail together. Using only FOUR words, what would you say to me? Leave me a comment.... Then copy and paste this in your status and see what funny things your friends say....(if you make a comment you have to put this in your status)

   I just got an inappropriate text message from Bret Favre.

   I went to the bar last night and I hit on the fattest most ugly chick, and I got rejected. I finally accomplished my goal in life.

   used to work for H&R Block, but it was too taxing.

   Master Chef: I am glad the 3rd guy is bald... it matches his d.ick-head personality.

   saw a man laying in the middle of the boulevard. with paramedics and firefighters 'working' on him. This caused traffic to back up. I looked down at the man; I looked at the mess of traffic , and thought to myself, "I really hate traffic"!

   Getting Christmas gifts for my kids gets harder as they get older, mostly because I can't remember where I hid them.

   the key to good parenting a small boy is making him realize he doesn't have to shout because you are literally right next to him

   Unless you had yourself cloned, I don't want to hear any of this "New Year, New Me" crap.

   College football is important but a college education is importanter!