Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We gotta get out of this place..if its the last thing we ever do.!

   Here's an Idea. Instead of putting your hands on your hips to make you look thiner. Why don't you just lose weight?? Just Sayin.

   I got 99 problem, and dealing with you is all of them.

   My garter snake don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   One secret has kept our relationship going for all these years; whenever we argue and are mad at each other, we go to bed naked that night.

   "Latin , Latin smooth as satin que hora es it's Latin time!!"

   about 3 twinkies away from being sawed out of my bedroom ...nom nom nom

   The only time I ever drink ginger ale is on a plane. WTF is up with that?

   I'm not saying she's a slut... but she's been licked more times than Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopper.

   Call me old-fashioned but I think the best part about Christmas is having your fist inside a 28-pound flightless bird.

   A true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, the most dangerous plaything.

   Today; I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas"

   It's been 18 years since Kurt Cobain died in case you were waiting for his corpse to become legal.

   I bet people working at the U.S treasury make a lot of money. (I write my own jokes)

   for sale ;;;; one shaky chair...and some rope..

   I DO WHAT I WANT! WHEN I WANT! WHERE I WANT!...... if Mom says its ok...

   Kim "Chinky Chang Small Wang Jong" is dead :D

   Chivalry isn't dead, it now just wants the @nal.

   To make someone happy, give them three things: Attention, Affection and Appreciation.

   Going to the movies to watch Oculus today like the good lord intended