Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in front of his home with every electric fan he owns blowing upward, in a defiant act against Mother Nature.....Enough with the snow lady, just go watch "The Waltons" reruns until Spring......

     Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!!!

   the man your man could smell like.

   A blonde filled out an application form. It said "sex" and options were "male" n "female". She crossed them both off and wrote "Lots"

   was doing 75 MPH in his rented diesel Chevette when I was pulled over by a Chip. Was I speeding? I asked. Not really, I just wanted to know how you got it going that fast. FML

   Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people.

   If you think that a mustache is what made Mr. Potato Head gender specific, you've never met my cousin Vincenza.

   I am starting a GoFundMe to buy popcorn tomorrow night at the movies

   This Jesus guy, no wonder women worship him. How long has it taken his 2nd coming?

   The best line which helps in saving money when going on dinner with ur wife : bol kya khayegi.... MOTI

   only got 4 minutes to save the world

   We used to be young and carefree, and now we have a favorite cashier at the grocery store.

   thinks the best cats are those that are stuck to my tire.

   changing my profile pic isn't going to change anything is this world..i'd rather donate a bit of money than change my pic.

   If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

   Funny how Flynn went from "lock her up" to maybe being locked up.

   Anyone that uses the word yolo I hope gets aid and herpes and dies a slow painful death

   My name is I, My problem is LOVE, The solution is YOU.

   To all you Pro Obama people praising him for this deed.. I don't remeber Usama being anywhere near the Whitehouse when killed. That is where Obama was sleeping while this mission took place. It has also been said that the intel leading to his whereabouts

   Yeah marriages are cool and all, but have you ever heard of something called freedom?