Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   : "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, & especially his third cou

   lots of chicks have big fat titties. the ass is where its at. if you have to ask what "it" is, run along now.

   I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

   I swear, the next person who pisses me off will find out very quickly that my threats are empty.

   In my school days, I used to hate that one kid who always used to remind the teacher about tests, homework and quizzes. But sometimes I wonder how his life turned out though.

   Chess Master Plots Brilliant Attack On Wife!

   I think the Angry Birds could use some anger management counselling. Mellow out, my cranky avian bros!

   Onions can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make ppl laugh

   May peace break into your home and thieves come to steal your debts,May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for 100$$ bills!May love stick to your face like vasilene and may laughter assault your lips!May happyness slap you across your the face and

   breaking news cat stuck in a tree, only fox.. .

   Would you be upset if chickens colored placentas and put them in a basket with candy and toys?.........

   If at first you don't succeed, mabey sky diving wasn't meant for you.

   just small town girl, living in a lonely world. Took the midnight train goin' anywhere.

   *When I m Studying parents dont see.When I takes a break parents- "why dont I ever see you study?"

   wondering if #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2

   pouring a little liquor out for 2 Pacs birthday today...in my mouth.

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   O Friday, O Friday! wherefore art thou Friday? Deny thy other weekday

   going to build an ark for the events thats going to happen on 21/12/2012, I can take the 1st 100 people, Early Bird Tickets come on sale 21/12/2011, make me an offer before you miss out

   pu ton your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah, it's so funukkah to celebrate hanukkah!